The Lessons of My Life
Written by Paulette Le Pore Motzko
Copyright December 14th, 15th, 2013
As I was sitting at the bus stop waiting for the bus that never came….I was thinking about the many events of this past week-some turbulent and some disappointing and then the things that worked out great that I was responsible for-which are always great.
In life there are times when what we envision is not what it turns out to be. In my case mine is a tragic story that I am determined to make a happy ending.
Let me set the scene for you: It is 2010 and I am recently divorced after a marriage to a real rocket scientist for 15 years. I graduated with honors in a Master’s Certification program in 1997 a few years before with a Master’s Certification in Voluntary Leadership. I was a presenter at The Summit Meeting that year as the CEO and Founder of The Epilepsy Connection. It was one of the high points in my life “proving a lady who is disabled with epilepsy could do the work” as Dick Cheshire had put it when he let me in the program and said I had the Life Experience for the program. At the beginning of the program I told the class of 50 people that “a friend of mine had epilepsy and the subject has always been near and dear to my heart and I knew I could help others who had it.” I did a PowerPoint Presentation with transparencies on an overhead projector that my now ex-husband Mark helped me with, answering what epilepsy was and was not, and explaining in human terms that anyone at any age could acquire it.
Once the presentation was over and I had answered everybody’s questions I told them that “oh by the way, the friend of mine was me!” People looked shocked at me and many stopped in their tracks and others came up to me with tears in their eyes and gave me the once over with their eyes and then smiled and said to me-“I never would have known!” I was so happy as that is just what I was shooting for. I didn’t tell anyone beforehand because I didn’t anyone having any preconceived notions about me or any biases and I thought it would best illustrate that anyone with epilepsy can do anything by being the prime example.
Another high point of my life was when I lived in Sandy, UT and times were great, not just good.
It was 1986 and I was just married, graduated with my AA in Piano Pedagogy and was building piano students and teaching all the Mormon kids on the block. One wonderful lady who went by the nick name of Friendly Robertson who was years young. She wanted to teach her how to play Chopin Nocturnes in a legato manner. I still have a handwritten book she gave me that with poems she wrote and songs she gave me in my piano bench. The best memory of my piano teaching days-that lasted 20 years-was when I got a call from Golden West College who asked if they could give my number to The Deaf Children’s Athletic Association. They asked me if I could teach two acutely deaf children piano. I had no idea if I could by the way. I asked how if they had residual hearing-and they did, and each wore two hearing aids to magnify what hearing they had. Justin and Adrienne Chang were their names and they were Japanese prodigies. Their father’s dream was to see their children play songs at a recital. I made that dream and my dream come true. At a recital in Riverdale, Utah they each played 3 songs a piece that I had taught them by signing everything I said to them and also signing the concept of what I said and “turning the audible to visual”….
Seeing someone’s inherent abilities and talents is something I have always been good at, but then my mom was always doing that with me. It is like I can see someone’s inherent abilities lying dormant in their soul, much like the tulip bulbs I planted in Sandy, Utah when I lived there.
I learned in life that some things you only get to enjoy for a while-be it many years or for decades and then they fade like the geraniums mom used to grow needing to be deadheaded of their brown leaves…
Other facets of my life are and will always be the same, like my mother Ramona Lea. She is still my best friend, my cheerleader and a smart, sweet lady, who though she has Alzheimer’s disease, will guarantee to light up a room with her smile and win over even the dullest of personalities. I saw her paint smiles on people’s faces in The World Market. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wish her the best and that I don’t want the best for her and pray she always remembers me and that the disease doesn’t take my mother away. She inspired me to create “Ramona’s Alzheimer’s Disease Daily” that has about 40 new sources on it with subject like neurology, neuroscience, memory, prevention, caregivers and dementia.
Back to The Lesson of My Life-
After my divorce in 2001 I opted to move back in the duplex I had lived in when I was 24 years old, when my dad bought it because he thought the second house would make a nice rental for me. It did just that for the most part and I got rent and I paid most of the mortgage on their house.
I would have never believed that the same family that I grew up with had the ability to make such rash and callous decisions about my mother’s life and mine.
But they did.
One of the expensive recliners belonging to my parents Bunker and the gang hacked with an ax because they were too lazy and stupid to sell them and give the money to mom Ramona Le Pore. Sooooo sad!
I cried for weeks after seeing the mass destruction on what Mike Bunker, Brenda Bunker, Michael Le Pore and Robert Le Pore allowed to happen.
Mike Bunker and my brother Mike hacked up with an ax an oak rocking chair I bought mom for mother’s day! I am related to crazy people!
Mom’s things in her beautiful house thrown all around the sides of it!
My side of the duplex bought in 1984 and sold my Mike Bunker in June of 2013 for $460,000.
I paid approx $50,000 in rent during that 13 year period.
Hey lawyers…help me here. I know I am entitled to something here.
I would have never believed that they had could take mom from the property as though they abducted her from her own domicile, forcing me to file a missing person’s report. But they did have the audacity.
But the shocked me.
They betrayed me-and I have thought long and hard about the actions of my other siblings, and how their hypocritical actions over the last 5 years illustrates how apathetic and what small human beings they really are.
Mom, who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease is a victim of elder abuse just as I was and still am. I am not a senior yet, being 3 years short of being classified a “senior” by the state of CA. I am therefore excluded from countless senior programs that would help me.
I did not create my family but they had the same foundation as I did, but their ideologies and beliefs were distorted over time. I did not change who I was and the strongholds of my belief system I have held onto with an iron-clad grip: integrity, honesty, passion and courage.
Some have it all and don’t even tap into the reserves and talents they were given. Others like myself, defied the odds and though diagnosed with epilepsy went on and was successful as a piano teacher.
I would be a piano teacher now if my upright grand wasn’t in storage! Being on ssi I am entitled to earn money and still collect it, to a certain point. I made $200 per student a month or $50 an hour. I taught nearly every kid in Sandy, Utah by them merely seeing the piano being rolled in our living room. The usual questions were:
1. Do you play piano?
2. Do you teach
3. How much do you charge?
4. I have —- kids and when can we start?
Then the cycle begins and their kids will learn how to play a song within a week, learn how to read sheet music, stage, ear training and theory plus presence, confidence etc.
With my piano in storage it is like having my hands tied behind my back! I have lost income and gained stress culminating with a diagnosis of PTSD!
Do I use the state of CA for stress and my diagnosis of PTSD, a year of hell, money that I used to have paid on hotels because with only $886 a month in ssi, all the greedy people who rent rooms in southern CA want $600 to $800 to live in their bedrooms? That leaves me with not enough to pay my phone bill and internet and storage bills.
I put an ad on supershopper.org and Craig’s List to exchange one of the many valid services for a room in a non smoking household where I could cook and clean for a family. No worthwhile responses only 3 men ages 25, 48 and 50 who wanted casual sex for a place to live of which I said NO.
I told the 25 year old, who had a girl friend, to look up the word integrity and STDs.
It is a sad state of affairs that you have to be diagnosed with something like depression or PTSD before programs and housing programs open up for you!
I went to Huntington Beach Hospital last night and took myself via bus. I couldn’t find any of my friends that would either answer their phones or who would even answer a text back! That did not impress me, by the way!
I made it down there because I suspected that something was terribly wrong with me, and I was 100% right. Like all my assumptions, after doing research on the topic, I am usually 99% correct. I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder by the doctor that talked to me for the longest time.
I asked him to shut the door and then just told him the key points that had happened to me over the last year. He told me that I was amazingly strong and I should be proud of everything I had been through.
I was stressed out and felt as though the stress was accumulating like the water on top of a – cooler in my bathroom in Utah-that eventually caused the ceiling to tumble down when my now-ex-husband and I went to dinner. We went out to dinner and when we came home water was coming down from the smoke detector like a waterfall-just missing my upright grand piano! The most amazing part of the ceiling blowing out and falling down because Mark didn’t turn the swamp cooler off for the winter-was that in the Victorian bathroom, the ceiling fell down to the rafters and all the bisque porcelain figurines in there were not broken, and a pair of antique bisque praying hands were standing up in the bath tub straight up!
I resent that after doing everything right and choosing NOT to smoke or drink or do drugs all my life that there are no support services available for someone like myself.
I want to be the first intelligent white lady with no kids who refused to be treated like a second class citizen because I knew what birth control was and the real facts of life at 9 years old. (I grew up early and wanted real answers and not the stork story!)
More women should be responsible and accountable for their actions where sex and birth control are concerned. There are far too many illegitamate kids being “raised” without fathers to mothers who are 16 years old.
It has become quite a scam having kids to “get the $800 a month” per kid. I was told by countless social workers at the Garden Grove Medical and Food Stamp office to “get a kid and you will get $100!” I love kids, couldn’t have kids for medical reasons-epilepsy- but thought of adopting when I was married but we thought the $20,000 fees were outrageous..so we didn’t.
All the housing programs go to families first and I am not a family, so I am disregarded as though invisible.
I am not envisible or non-existant.
They should put a sign on the front of the Medical office and welfare office that reads: “if you are single or divorced and you don’t have a child we don’t care about you, your life and how you survive financially.” That is the truth.
It took me 7 years to get Medical at the Garden Grove office. When my new medicines Vimpat $20 a pill and Tegretol over $300 a month were forcing me to sell things to afford it, I put two and two together and realized all the people who turned me down were Vietnamese with the last name Nguyen. I had been told a bogus statement that I needed a kid to get medical, which was false. I threatened to sue all the parties personally for FRAUD to the director of the director and got the director named Barbara to fax my information to Sacramento labeled URGENT and had my medicine paid for $100 in a week.
Why this fight though?
Racial discimination against white people exists in Orange County, especially in Garden Grove and Little Saigon.
I am American and among the things I want to do is to crack down on this kind of abuse. An article was in the Walls Street Journal last year how in Vietnam they brag how they take advantage and abuse our welfare system in the USA.
I don’t hate Vietnamese people but I hate racist people and I am the victim of a hate crime that gave preferential treatment to the Vietnamese. I was told in Garden Grove by over 20 Vietnamese they “didn’t want a white piano teacher!” When I heard that I was appauled and shocked and outraged, as I still am now.
I became a displaced worker because of their hatred and bias and stupidity and would probably still have an income stream. I do writing, marketing and photography now with CARestaurantShowCase.com and do what I can.
Our house was a beautiful six bedroom Cape Cod style house with dormer windows and 3 bathrooms. The place was so big that we had my sister and her husband and three kids over and rented beds for all of them. I had a regular bed and breakfast and at that time they were normal and nice people and didn’t have a bad or malicious streak at all. That was to come later down the line when I divorced. Their care for me was in direct proportion to how much money I made a year. My best friends and when I lovingly invited them all to massive parties where I wanted to create memories –not just dinner parties. I did. And though they all have selective memory now, remembering only what they want to-it happened.
In time the bathroom was rebuilt and it after builders came and remodeled, you would have never known anything happened. Thank heaven we had good insurance with State Farm!
How can someone change like a chameleon that magnifies the colors of its surroundings? A counselor can ask them for years what did it-jealousy, envy or just caring more about money and making a quick profit than to mom’s feelings or mine. I think that was it.
I have no idea where I am going with this story here, but it makes me feel better writing it. Once a person becomes an adult at 18 years of age it is their choice who they keep in their life.
When I was moving, I thought and then rethought again everything I wrapped up in a box. I got so tired of packing and it amazed me how much “stuff” I had collected over my 52 years young!
I had read a book on simplifying your life and scaling down what I owned before I made the move to prepare me to take only what I loved and what made me smile when I looked at it. Ask yourself if you love it enough to dust it. You might be surprised what your answers are.
That is the same motto I take to the people in my life. Do they make you smile? Do they bring you up? Support your dreams? If you answer “yes” to all those questions, then you have a keeper there. If you answered one “no” then you better rethink how that person fits into your life.
If you have people in your life that have withered and turned into people who are abusive and tear you down, then if you have tried discussing with them the problems but nothing seems to work, then remove them from you life. You will suffer if you don’t.
After 1653 words were typed I am going to sign off and leave you with these words of wisdom. Think about what you would like to hear when you say something to someone else.
Everybody please pray that Paulette Le Pore Motzko gets the housing voucher she needs to afford a nice place of her own here in CA. Also, if you want to write a congressman or influential person in CA to put pressure on them, be my guest! The most who speak out about something, the more likely things will CHANGE. Also, go beyond me and write your local congressmen and women to add more funding to the Urban Housing Authority’s HUD Housing Program so more vouchers can be created. A ten year wait is a joke and an insult to the intelligence of every person on SSI and SSDI. We don’t want to see displaced disabled people at the bus stops and trying to take care of themselves, along with veterans, who are in the same “boat”, if you will.
I learned to take care of yourself first and make sure you are alright and have what you need, and then you will be more apt to have strength reserves to take care of everybody else.
Write you congressmen and women and contact The Urban Housing Authority in the State of CA in Sacramento, and in The Urban Housing Authority in the largest city in your state. Write and tell what you see in the streets, get involved and watch your efforts blossom into better lives for all people.
For now until today at least until this morning, for a week I was staying at The Super 8 Hotel in Westminster, CA which for he money at $65 a night is one o the nicest, cleanest places around-if you have to “live in a hotel” and can’t afford Residence Inn-with full kitchens, like Boeing used to pay for when I was married.
The way things change is to SHOW THE TRUTH and MAKE PEOPLE CARE.
I took photos of my hotel room and intended on creating story that would include and show how I was living since evicted in April 2012 by Mike Bunker.
He needs someone to cultivate a moral conscious and explain why what he did was wrong and still is wrong, since he has cut all communication between mom and I for a year.
Thank you Ron Bittelari for sending me the money to make staying here possible. You are even more generous and caring than my ex was.
I have the most kind caring friends.
Do you know anyone who also has been working on getting subsidized housing?
What is your story?
We can team up and work together to put pressure on our leaders who keep saying with a blank expression “there is a 10 year wait for more housing vouchers.” What are we supposed to do until then?
If you make too much $ then you risk losing medical. Silly rules, if you ask me.
There is a song by Kelly Clarkson called “Stronger” that is my mantra and perfectly describes me and what God has felt it necessary for me to go through along with the poor social workers, welfare programs and lies told to me by Vietnamese workers in both the Garden Grove Medical office and social security offices.
If you are caucasion on ssi or ssdi, on medical or are trying to get one of those benefits, what would you think if I told you I was lied to 100% of the time by 100% of the Vietnamese in the welfare system? I was.
That is not a racial comment as I still have Vietnamese friends who admit the abuse goes on but they speak English and know many put them in a bad light.
For those on ssi and ssdi or medical be leary and be alert. I personally now, after being lied to, suffering, doing without and living a substandard existence because of false information given by Vietnamese people now will not allow them to wait on me.
I was married to a rocket scientist for 15 years and I use logic. I try to increase the odds of being successful to 100% in everything I do. If you know something hasn’t worked, then don’t do it again. If you know that by doing something else, it increases your odds of accomplishing something, by all means do it.
People get upset when I say this, but it is fact. Abuse happens until it happens with me, then it stops for good and I also set mendates so it never happens again.
I would reccomend going to the Santa Ana Social Security office because they have a wide demographic of all people-Mexican, Filipino, Japanese, Vietnamese, Caucasion. It was refreshing. In one day the underpayment of $400 a month that the Garden Grove office did to me for SSI was increased $200 in one day. Then by going every week, not letting up, until I saw every director there…it is now $886 a month. I refused to let Vietnamese wait on me and by asking for another caucasion person I never had to worry about a hate crime.
If people are racist they shouldn’t be allowed to work at the social security office or any other place that is supposed to treat everyone the same.
We should employ a questionnaire to people coming over from other countries asking them what they are BRINGING to the UNITED STATES and why they are coming. Also a charcter assessment should be given to screen out racists and white haters. Nobody wants to talk about it but that just eneded as I type this sentence.
I am talking to the law dept at Chapman University where I graduated, and I will get representation to sue and get monetary compensation, sue for fraud, the people, who I know by name.
It is the principal here.
I believe everybody is the same and just with others felt the same way.
Once we clean up the fraud and what I believe is the Vietnamese are purposely turning white people down for benefits to bring more of their own kind in.
I talk to people.
I am observant and see who is going out with something and act like a reporter & journalist asking others and find similar stories. I am the only one that will underveil the abuse and stop it once and for all. Every American, white, single lady I have talked to had the same horror stories as me.
Yet I talked to a Mexican family, not even American citizens, who received Medical, Food Stamps and money to live per month in 20 minutes!!!
What do you call that?
On the application they ask if you are Latino. I refused to say because I said, does that mean I get the benefits if I am?
This kind of nonsence goes on in America and it is wrong and against my civil rights.
I want a news station to go in to both offices and see what they find. I bet my assumptions are correct.
I know I am talking about three things in this post:
My background, intelligence, education, hud housing, vouchers
Preferential treatment to Latinos, Asians, Families, Women with kids from many fathers
No help for people who tried to do things right
Racial profiling on ssi and medical and food stamps apps
American citizens are given the backseat to needed programs helping disabled survive
Subsidized housing going hand in hand with ssi ssdi
Increasing funding for subsidized housing
Lowering the epidemic proportions of sad displaced disabled people like myself
Paulette Le Pore Motzko
December 16, 2013
Happy birthday Brenda-Paulette’s sister who helped make her homeless in April 2013.
I have no idea how my oldest sister Brenda Bunker and her poor excuse of a husband can sleep at night with what they did. Some have a conscious and others don’t. Some have souls and some do not.
Bunker was unfortunately made power of attorney by my demented father who is dead, assigning care of my mother and all his personal assetts, along with the house I paid on for 13 years.
I need a good, hard hitting attorney to make this right and have a good ending. One who cares about elder abuse and disabled people. Since mom didn’t know what she was signing and dad didn’t realize he was giving power to a man who would abuse the power given.
Remove Mike Bunker from power of attorney
Assign someone to manage my mother’s funds and medical other than me. I need to take care of myself and that is all.
I already made enough sacrifices in my life
Get a house or apartment on some kind of subsidized housing plan in a safe area, since I do not drive.
Sue Mike Bunker for harrassment, stress and going to the hospital numerous times with breakthrough seizures.
I would be seizure free with a place I can call HOME again.
With all the money I saved the state for the 13 years I helped pay my parent’s mortgage, made meals for them etc I feel the state of CA owes me! Especially since I had 0 income during the time I was wrongly turned down for medical and social security after my divorce in 2001.
photos will be added later today when I go to a place with wifi. My Verizon Jetpack is maxed out of time so I am writing this via my Android MyTouch phone.
December 16th, 2013
I want to air this on a major news station or in The Orange County Register. Good things will happen as a result of it. I know it.