My Mother is Dying But Her Spirit Lives Through Me

I was a caregiver for my sweet mother Ramona Lea Le Pore who on the last decade of her life was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.

My sister in law contacted me to yell me mom has a tumor on her kidney and is now dying.
I knew the time would come when mom would leave this earth and touch the face of God, being reunited with dad in heaven, but I wasn’t prepared for so sudden of tragic news.

image

image

In my old kitchen drinking tea with mom after making dinner

image

As long as I am alive, mom’s name will be in the prefaces of the books I will write, and so many creative things my mother helped show me how to do by believing in me: piano playing, cooking, poetry, lyric writing and singing.

She was my cheerleader, my best friend, my confidant and encouraged my creativity. I miss hearing her voice and laughter.
She was the most appreciative person I ever knew or will know.
That’s why it was a joy to do anything for her like cook her favorite meal.

image

Mom and I in the 16 x 20 photo to the right on my desk last Christmas 2015.

Little would I know that the photo I created to immortalize a stellar moment in time would be the only vestige of my mother to keep me going. With no ability to make phone calls or talk to her the photo was and is all I have.

image

Mom and dad when dad was in The Air Force

image

I had been thinking of mom all week and just feeling something strange like an inner voice telling me mom might not have much longer to live. This morning I looked up at the 16 x 20 mural I had made of mom and I happy in Huntington Beach, CA and am happy I immortalized the moment.

image

Mom sitting across from me happy on a beautiful southern California day at Ruby’s Diner.

image

Mom from the time I was 4 years old read to me and taught me phonetics, opening my eyes to wider worlds. She was a visionary before that word was popular.

image

Mom taught me to see the beauty in the simple pleasures of life….in flowers, nature and taught me to cherish people and take care of the things you own-and in that order of priority.

Mom loved being useful and when she cared about you, she would go to the ends of the earth to make you happy. If you complimented something she might give it to you!

image

image

image

The photo I took from the wall that was cut from a 16 x 20 that survived a fire. Much like my mother, the photo was resilient and a survivor.

This photo that’s on my upright grand piano and a crucifix that belonged to Nanny my grandmother are all I took when I was told “take what you want from mom’s stuff.”

Mom was alive but with Alzheimer’s disease and if she didn’t put it in my hand I wasn’t going to take it. I wanted to be remembered for what I gave her instead of what I took from her.

Hearing the birds singing their morning song at 4:46 a.m. I am going to wrap this up by saying hug those around you who you care about. Live life so you have no regrets and give more than you take. I sincerely tried to do just that with my mother but I will miss her terribly. Her smile was like the sun to me.

Please pray for my mother and family and I. Thank you.

Written by
Paulette Le Pore Motzko
Photography Paulette Motzko
July 4th, 2016
4:50 a.m.