Thanksgiving Every Day: Thankfulness is a Mindsetest and Way of Life

Me choosing scrumptious subtlety sweet Italian Lemon Cream Cake at Fellini’s Italian Restaurant at the Stratosphere by candlelight late at night

which is something I typically don’t do as I go to bed pretty early and get up pretty early, but something told me to just go out and enjoy my Thanksgiving the day before all the crowds blocked the freeway getting down to the strip today on Thanksgiving. So, since I took a nap and got extra sleep I was able to go out down to Roxy’s Diner where I have lots of friends who work there, and it’s always a wonderful time there and I had an open faced turkey sandwich, which was almost a Thanksgiving dinner! It was so big that I’m going to be in the leftovers today.

The photo that miraculously had enough power, even on power saver to make possible. 

I didn’t take my usual three batteries for my Note 4, and didn’t really want to sit at Starbucks doing work like I usually do, OR carry a bunch of “junk” with me that weighs a ton, like I usually do. We all need balance in life and we need to  maximize every area of our life  be it personal , work, spiritual  and physical exercise too.
It’s good to do something out of the ordinary and be spontaneous once in awhile and communicate with people, not take an earpiece purposely, even if you like to listen to music on a playlist through the day or whatever, but just connect with life and the living.

I know I made everyone else’s Thanksgiving extraordinary that I went out of my way to communicate with in a totally genuine way, and every time I did that Joy  came back at me like I have a boomerang.

They hire people who are really wonderful and kind and go out of their way at The Stratosphere anyway. It was fun to go up to police officers, security guards, people who were traveling from other states, people who sat alone, and people who are doing heavy manual labor jobs and purposely wish them a very blessed Thanksgiving.

People who do that kind of work NEED KINDNESSS most of all because they do their job with smiles on their faces but quite often get lost in the shuffle of life.

 It’s nice when one person looks their name tag and thinks enough of them to call them my name and let them know that they’re important. Things like that can make a difference in somebody’s life.

May you all have a most blessed Thanksgiving and carry the spirit of Thanksgiving with you every day throughout the year.

Written by Paulette Le Pore Motzko.

Photography and digital photo Arts by Paulette Lepore Motzko.

Copyright PLM Studios, Las Vegas, Nevada. November 2017.

Thank You from Paulette Motzko to the 26 New Followers in The Last 30 Days.

I would have more followers but I hear there’s no “follow me” button. I will be working on enhancing the features on the site to make that possible. 

The great news is that my followers are tried-and-true, they are genuine, they are intelligent extraordinary individuals whose talents even defy my own comprehension at times. What I envisioned when I created this site in 2012 has become literal reality that is even superseded what my vision was of the best for the site. Every follower every reader has come back like a magnet attrated for all the right reasons -because I am genuine and as what am I long-standing Facebook friends Maria Lourdes Lipardo told me-“you are so transparent”. At the time she said it I didn’t quite know what that meant. Now years later I call it a high compliment.

The world is full of far too many Yes Men comply or go along with a crowd. I’ve never been that kind of person I always have been an individualist.

Because I was misunderstood as a child, I am the quickest to try and understand others, and another person’s point of view. Matters to me to understand communication is Paramount. Just as I was telling a nice lady at the station casino Grand Cafe earlier last night:

We’re all connected on the planet no matter what race color creed. It really doesn’t matter what our faith is but that we believe in something greater than ourselves we treat others with dignity. We don’t need to be like one another, life would be boring if we were. We can learn from each other’s differences and grow as people.

The sun is coming up here in Las Vegas now when I can see the white flowers on the huge Bush surrounding my picture windows blooming. I live upstairs and like it because I’m the one making the noise and its private and I can have a garden on my balcony and go out there anytime and be in my “desert oasis” I created over time.

As I was looking at my statistics here I noticed the atlas of the world filling in with the readership from Canada and many other countries that never read my blog prior. 

Makes me a really feel gratified to know that the many hours that I invest in this site is appealing to all people and has become quite universal.

Thank you for all your contributions and comments app for putting a smile on my face everyday.

May every single person who reads this be blessed. 

Written by Paulette Le Pore Motzko.

Photography and Digital Photo Arts by Paulette L. Motzko, PLM Studios, Las Vegas, Nevada. 

Copyright August 2017.

BLESS THE BEAUTIFUL UNITED STATES OF AMERICA! Happy Flag Day 2017!

Photo created by Paulette L Motzko, Copyright June 2017 PLM Studios.

Wednesday June 14th 2017 at

 Here’s a note about the sparking American flag I used in the photo here….

It is one of my grandmother’s cherished pins she used to wear. She was my mother’s mother and singlehandedly raised her children on her own due to my grandfather James Hubert Hart dying of spinal meningitis when my mother was four years old.

Mom said the day that she finally realized that she was alive was the day she overheard someone talking about who is getting all the kids, and what houses they were all going to because Grandma couldn’t afford to take care of them all herself.

Grandma wasn’t afraid to take a man’s job in a time when it was was very unpopular for a woman to rivet airplanes -but she did. 

There wasn’t anything that could stop my grandmother Ruby Hart.

 She was proud to be an American citizen and so appreciative of everything that you ever did for her— just like my mother.

That’s why when she had Alzheimer’s disease-like my mother had, untiL she touched the face of God nearly a year ago  I didn’t think anything of helping taking care of her.

 I bought her big print Readers Digest books to encourage her to talk and keep her mind active…and they did.

 She read one of them every day … so I bought more for her and she smiled as she read each story.

I found them at local libraries and we would talk about the stories in each story, which would inspire her to tell me about her life recalling memories of when she was younger.

I don’t have a digital image of Grandma-yet’ but I’ll create one for this story I didn’t know I was going to write, until writing the first sentence! 

I know we have our trouble in America, but when you compare us to other countries- it’s pretty damn nice country anyway you look at it. We have precious  freedoms another country can match.

I didn’t say God Bless America because I wanted everyone no matter who they were to be able to relate to the image and the meaning behind image.

 I’m Christian so I’ll always say God Bless America, but as an empowered lady I would love to see all of us all over the world worry less about religion & culture and focus more about just treating each other kindly and know everyone has a right to believe what they feel strongly about.

As long as they are not hurting you or anyone then let him believe it if they find solace and peace through it.

Uniting as living, breathing people who have the power to good-is my dream for not only America but for the world.

Written by Paulette Le Pore Motzko

Watch “Amazing Grace – 미스코리아 이하늬” on YouTube & Contemplating How Small The World Really is.

This has to be the coolest version of Amazing Grace I’ve ever seen and heard.

 I heard it on YouTube Red when I was adding web content to one of my websites, but I had to take a look at it. What a talented player she is; I don’t know the name of the instrument that she’s playing but I love the sound of it. Amazing!

This song illustrates how connected we are as a people. 

 Somewhere in a rural, small town people are gathered in a white church with a steeple and they are probably singing this same song. Ever think of that? I did. I wish we could connect all the churches, synagogues , and mosques, and other places of worship and say one universal prayer for us all.

It makes the world seem not so big after all doesn’t it.

Images courtesy of Pinterest and Getty Images. 

Compiled by Paulette Motzko.

God bless all who read my words and listen to this extraordinary song about GRACE.

June 13th 2017 at 3:37 p.m.

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=rgsbaeqkjnU&feature=share

Larissa Martinez in her Valedictorian in Graduation Speech: I’m Undocumented

Valedictorian Larissa Martinez said in her graduation speech: “I’m undocumented”

http://www.cnn.com/2016/06/10/us/texas-undocumented-valedictorian-trnd/index.html

You have to read what this very brave young lady said as Valedictorian at her graduation. Her courageous speech surprised everyone, and she was bright in saving her secret for a “punch line “at the end of her speech.

America was founded on the principles that all people have the same rights.

She made a factual statement about Trump, about “his wall built on hatred”… and I give her a standing ovation for that one.

I personally feel Trump should be thrown out of the political race based on his racist, anti-American view points and his repeat, tasteless racial generalizations.

I cannot believe how easily and quickly I made friends with Larissa Martinez on Facebook after searching for her.

We talked back and forth using the Instant messaging app and over 80,000 were searching to find her or talking about her there.

I wrote this on her profile page, and I’m pleased with the words I wrote so I share it with you here.

“CONGRATULATIONS for your excellence in your academics and also in your bravery to stand up and disclose that our immigration system I’d broken and also about saying that Trump us building a walk out of hatred. You are so astute and you are going to go far in this world. You already have! I am so happy we became friends so quickly here. If you should ever want to make your opinions heard on a wide scale, my blog Totally Inspired Mind has a wide readership, and you can send me your story and I will air it to 100 countries. I have a loudspeaker to the world.

God bless you Larissa Martinez. You are one extraordinary young lady!

I am happy I tuned on to CNN this morning and read your story!”-

Paulette Le Pore Motzko

Written by Paulette L Motzko
Paulette L Motzko
June 12th, 2016 12:11 p.m.
Updated , 12:58 p.m.

Trump The Racist is a Walking Ball of Hatred by Paulette L Motzko

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One of my many black friends on Facebook (Elder Israel Odulana)just posted this news clipping which outraged me.  This is the last straw in racial bigoted generalizations Trump has made. He has castigated the Mexican Community, the Middle Eastern Community and the Black Community.  Who’s left?

If you value the freedom that our great country and States of America was based on- and our soldiers fought for don’t vote for Trump.

If you value the freedoms that we have in the United States of America and equal rights for all people don’t vote for Trump.

Writers are powerful people they can change minds, and ENLIGHTEN OTHERS and EDUCATE and I hope to do that with this piece.

If Trump hates the Mexican community and thinks they’re all drug lords and criminals, and if he hates the Middle Eastern people and if he wants to ban them practicing their faith, and if he thinks black people are lazy, my question is:

Mr. Trump who do you LIKE?
Only white bigots?

I grew up in the sixties and I couldn’t understand the hatred that racism was based on.

Donald Trump is a walking ball of hatred for about every single nationality there is. The blanket generalizations he’s made on numerous occasions are only the beginning of how he would destroy what the USA stands for-freedom & equality.

I saw black people being forced to drink out of separate water fountains and it was shocking to me then when I was 9 years old in the 60’s. I have tons of black friends, tons of Mexican friends, Cuban friends, Filipino friends, and I treat everybody the same- as it should be.

Thank God for the civil rights leaders like Martin Luther King Jr and Cesar Chavez who made great leaps for equality in the United States of America.

Trump is like a disease who would bring forth only negativity to the USA, promoting racism, and unfair practices. He would destroy the progress that our great country has made from an equal rights standpoint.

I’m so happy that we’ve evolved so much since the mid 60’s. Trump would make us go back in time and promote hatred and inequality.

Trump likes only white rich people obviously, because he’s put down about every other nationality there is. What’s left? I was married to a rocket scientist for 15 years so when you eat out about every nationality there is what’s left white people is that we want white English-speaking people United States? That’s what Trump wants, he wants to put a bridge in to separate us.

Only white, arrogant, republican, rich people who wear power suits?

This is something for all of you Trumpsters to think about.

Do you want to live in the United States where the Statue of Liberty is thrown into the sea and we don’t welcome people from other countries anymore?

I don’t.

SHARE MY MESSAGE HERE  with your friends if you agree.

Thank you.

I’m going to post this on two of my blogs- Totally Inspired Mind that is read by 100 countries now after 5 years and The Political Think Tank.

Image from Facebook
May 2016 10:05 a.m.
Paulette Le Pore Motzko

Quote of the Day From Sasha Sagan, Carl Sagan’s Daughter

This is part of an extraordinary essay written by Sasha Sagan, Carl Sagan’s daughter. In her very eloquent, extraordinary writing her brilliant parents passed on their intelligence to her as an everlasting gift.
She sees the world as I do- which is we are all connected on this planet, and what counts is the present, because that is all we are guaranteed. The more we work together to sustain THE EARTH, and preserve the oceans and allow it to flourish. . .instead of destroying it…the better we all will be….now and in the future.

Paulette Le Pore Motzko
Was married to a real rocket scientist 15 years.. enough to know every specialty of engineering and how we rely in science and technology for everything from the connections of our smart phones to weather reports to new medical breakthroughs in zero gravity.

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From a book lover since age four, I couldn’t agree with Carl Sagan more!

Images found on Pinterest, authors unknown.

March 2015

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Everyone Has a Story To Tell – Make Your Story An Extraordinary One by Paulette L. Motzko

We All Have Our Story to Tell
Written by Paulette Le Pore Motzko
Copyright October 7th, 2014
All Photography Quotes Created by
Paulette Le Pore Motzko

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In life we never know what we are getting and what kinds of blessings or tragedies may befall. You can only stack the deck in your favor so when the hand is played you come close to winning.

If every one of you reading this sentence could realize that nobody on earth was dealt a perfect life, then maybe you won’t feel so isolated or sad, just knowing you are not the only one. Everybody on the bus every day I see has their own joys, family, friends and struggles. Just because you don’t know them, don’t fool yourself. Problems in life don’t omit anyone, no matter how much money you make. Often the richest people have the most screwed up lives. They have no idea what to do with all their money and have lost the ability to enjoy simple things. They spend their lives trying new drugs and paying for expensive thrills that leave them flat and uninspired.

As a child who was disabled and went through a merry-go-round-of medicine for epilepsy before I got to the one that worked when I was fourteen-years-old.

I learned big words and related to teachers better than my classmates who made fun of me because I was different. All the things I went through in my early years toughened me up to be a soldier of life and an ambassador of compassion and good will who can related to everyone with a cane, in a wheelchair and who strives each day to know health firsthand and independence.

Even though in life you may have looked at hell in the eye like I did and been through moments where you nearly died; remember you made it out the other end.

A visualization to picture your mind that I created after going through one of the worst year and a half of my life is:

I can see myself walking through a huge hoop of fire and coming out the other end transformed, stronger, and smarter and where ingenuity is in my DNA. After helping my parents pay their house payment thrown the span of 15 years and being betrayed by my siblings I grew up with; it redefined my existence.

We were once a good family, not a perfect family, but we were never an apathetic, hate filled family. There was so much negative dynamics going on between my older siblings and that no matter if my mother needed help, if I could have done over again, I would have looked out for number one and that is all, and got the hell out of there. I can see that in retrospect and wish I would done that, but if I had mom wouldn’t have anyone who gave a damn and she wouldn’t be in the senior home she is now.

The things you learn in life gaining wisdom are vast.

What have you learned in life?

Are there lessons you can pass on to others?

What is a lesson you learned that you can pass on to another to make their path smoother, watching out for rocks and boulders?

You see, when you do without you learn to compromise. You learn how to substitute and you truly get to know what it is like to live on a bargain basement existence that only those who frequent places like The 99 Cents Store, Dollar General remembering numerous times since moving to Nevada and having my SSI cut by $150 a month-times when I couldn’t afford anything in the dollar store!

What I do know out of the tragic and almost mind boggling callous and low class way I was treated in the end of making great sacrifices for my mom and financially helping my dad by living on the duplex he was still making payments on after 2001. I learned that there are people who look like a human being but are missing a soul and a conscious; my siblings fit that description. I only hope that they regret it one day. I know I did the best I could in spite of going through adversity myself. In other words, we are only responsible for ourselves and there comes a point where all the talking in the world isn’t going to change things.

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Move on. Look back and accept what you did and embrace the choices you made.

Just because you were betrayed doesn’t mean you have betray someone else. Just because you were hit, doesn’t mean you have to hit someone else. Someone else’s cold heart doesn’t have to be yours and shouldn’t be yours.

Why the Lord allows good people to go through hell none of us will know, especially when their hearts and souls are good.

In life what matters most is for you to not focus on the dark aspects or “shadows” in your life. Look at the “bright spots” that sparkle like Orion on a clear night in the desert. Keep the friends who have become family; they are your new family.

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Just because you are related to someone doesn’t give them the right to be in your life. To have the right someone has to treat you with dignity and respect. If those elements are missing, then you really don’t need the person in your life.

Remember, every negative person drags you down. Every positive person lifts you and your spirits up.
You want to be dragged down to the nether world, or do you want to keep people around you who also set their aspirations on high and noble things. Forget the rest.
I pray to meet people who are kind, caring, compassionate who care about the world around them and who care about children, the environment and the world issues.
Here is a cool visual for you: I also pray to NOT MEET negative, pessimistic people and to avoid or REPEL people with rotten intentions people just like water droplets on Vaseline.
What story will you retell people?

Will it be a triumphant one? A Courageous One? An Extraordinary One?

Make the things you say be as amazing as yourself, because the spoken word is what people will remember about you.

Do you want to be a mina bird of the same, sad story or do you want to force yourself to grow, find the wisdom in your pain and to help people they are not alone.

If pain and suffering has to be, let it be transformed to bring someone up from their aloneness.
I hope this 1,534 word story does just that. Come out of your cave and light the light and let it shine on only the good and the great. No matter what your faith, don’t lose hope and never quit believing the good and just win. And even if they don’t “win” they show everybody in the world how they can! After all, people are only winners or losers in their minds. What you think you are you will be.
I hope every word changes your minds, and transforms your spirit and helps you think about the experiences you have gone through and how you carry them around.
Troubles can be on your shoulders like lead weights or you can problem solve, pray and meditate and gain insight. To do that you need solitude and uninterrupted time so you can think. When was the last time you gave yourself that gift? It is through self-introspection that you grow and transform into something greater.
Learn to journal and write every day your innermost feelings. At first at will feel awkward doing it, but it will come more naturally with time. In time you will look forward to it. Make it a minimum of 30 minutes. Go to a library where you can be guaranteed to not be bothered and where it is quiet enough you can hear yourself think. Preferably have nobody see it but you and God and your soul.
In your first journal book entry: make a list of all the things you are thankful for this moment.
Now make a list of things you need to work on to be happier and feel better.
Number them and create a plan of action.
Make the most of what you have now. If you want more, work for it all and enjoy what you have NOW. This time will never come again. When you are 85 ladies you will think you look like pretty hot now! Hey guys, tell your mom and dad you love them, they won’t be around forever. I am reminded that our time on this extraordinary earth is limited. Make the most of your travels here.

It is only then that you can take what were problems and setbacks and throw them in the sea and watch the seagulls take them away to the wild blue.
Put some beautiful and inspiring music on iheart.com radio or Pandora.com and get in touch with who you really are. When you do that, you will find you have way more going for you but you just overlooked what you were given.

Written with love to the world.

Paulette Le Pore Motzko

October 7th, 2014
5:15 p.m.

Have You Ever Been So Close But Yet So Far Away?

Began April 11th-12th, 2013

Updated on Sunday, April 21st, 2013

So Close Yet So Far Away

Here I am in a Denny’s not too far from where I used to live. I look around me and see my Nicole Lee suitcase with an image of a French Boulangerie and it makes me happy I spent the $35 on it at Oz. I look at my Nikon camera that I am glad I invested in for $800 and wish I had the brain space open to go look for work and shoot some great shots of restaurants that I know were interested in my work.

One of my friends on Facebook had this and I liked it and felt it was of merit, so here it is.

One of my friends on Facebook had this and I liked it and felt it was of merit, so here it is.

I long to live where there are no abusive people, not due to Alzheimer’s disease, dementia or just from being ignorant, rude or unthoughtful. I know that isn’t hard to do is it? I know that you are supposed to be tolerant of people who have disabilities or disorders they cannot control but it is still abusive nonetheless to live with them.

I look at one of the books in front of me entitled “The Productive Writer by Sage Cohen” and think about how consumed I have been with survival and making sure I was not homeless by April first. Well, my sister’s husband who very unlawfully became Power of Attorney on my mother’s behalf from my now diseased father, didn’t care whether I was homeless and like my siblings, were apathetic to my situation and go against what families are supposed to stand for and represent.

I was going to move to Arizona and had the place picked but then got word, with my personal possessions in a 17 foot U-Haul truck that my application was chosen by the John Stewart Company by Vista Del Rio Apartments in Santa Ana, CA. This was a no-brainer because as a disabled American citizen in the United States of America, this 6 year, one of a kind project is the first built by a company for disabled people. Thousands of people all over Orange County and Los Angeles County applied for it, but my letter was read and remembered, as all things I write are. The $444 rent will keep me in CA by my friends that I know, the places I love and all that I grew up around. Since I was in a nearly fatal car accident over 15 years ago now that nearly killed me with a seizure behind the wheel, I am never driving as long as I live. Not a problem but only in regards to shopping and getting things like water, paper towels and other things. At this new place, that will be ready to move into by June 1st, 2013, Good Will Industries will help me do my shopping when needed, which is a life saver for anyone who doesn’t drive. Even though I lived next door to my parents for 12 years, nobody in my family ever helped me with anything, which doesn’t amount to much for family. So stressing the positives, things will be great by the middle of June. I was just told by Carlos the manager of Vista Del Rios that my new place will be furnished with a new table and chairs, new full size bed and dresser and night stand. (I get to sell many of the pieces I have in storage since I know this!)
This place was supposed to be finished in April-which is now. Due to being removed from my mom’s place, I have lived in substandard but cheap motels since the week before April 1st, not wanting to be anywhere near the property due to Mike Bunker’s threats of him calling the police on me etc.

PauletteMotzkoCDCover6.16.2012

Sometimes we don’t get what we want in life and I wonder how many people do?

MY BELIEF SYSTEMS ARE CHANGING AND EVOLVING INTO A COMBINATION OF BELIEVING INTO A POWER GREATER THAN WHAT WE ALL CAN SEE BUT NOT NECESSARILY AS THOUGH A PERSON IS RESPONSIBLE. I had a lot of wisdom before all this happened and didn’t need any more bad experiences to make me a smarter, hardier tougher individual. I had already gained enough wisdom to write then volumes and sell them; I didn’t need any more hard knocks.

DontBeDiscouragedItsOftenTheLastKeyintheLock1.31.2013

Oddly enough, a big statue of the Virgin Mary with Baby Jesus, has been following me around in my Trader Joe’s bag on wheels, mainly because we couldn’t find a box big enough to pack her to put her in my storage vaults. The other reason was I felt she would give me more peace in the strange hotel rooms I knew I would be staying in than in a storage vault! I was right. (It does paint a rather odd sight for anyone who would look at me and this Hodge Podge of personal belongings, which is quite embarrassing to say the least.)
I know the story behind my situation that sits here waiting for my good friend Mike Darras to come and pick me up. I stayed at Econo-Lodge? on Garden Grove Blvd in __ across from the Ranch Motel hotel last night, which I wouldn’t recommend because Sunny the guy who manages it, started opening the door with his key when I was without a bra or shirt with ten minutes to spare of check out time! He wouldn’t let me stay on the property and called the police to escort me off the property, but that was a blessing. The officer had the common sense, which the manager did not, to offer his help in carrying my suitcases, that I couldn’t single-handedly where Marvin the friendly cab driver drove me to the Denny’s I now sit at now. I filled up his gas tank and he very gladly helped me with my many bags with a smile on his face.

Before I had to struggle and spend endless days at my desk sending faxes, doing research on places to live in CA and elsewhere, I used to think of what story to do a Feature Story on and what company to create photos for….nothing since October of last year.

The money I had reserved for rent and my needs was spent on hotels to stay here in CA for a Social Security meeting which did prove fruitful. They are increasing the amount I am getting because a director in Arizona realized they were under paying me-something I knew just by the dollar amount! My next check will be bigger but what I want most of all is to earn money doing what I love and know what constancy is again, peace of mind and a little joy. I have had none of those things over the last few months. Actually I shouldn’t say that. Some of the things that have given me joy and made me happy over the last few months were:

1. Going to the Huntington Beach pier and shooting photos of the birds flying, walking the pier which lowers my blood pressure and gives me JOY like nothing else can. I can’t explain it but then again, I guess I don’t have to.
2. Seeing my friend Erin on the pier that day with her beautiful daughter and taking a winning photo of her that you could frame.
3. Seeing my friends Carlos and Antonio at IHOP and talking with them
4. Seeing more and more read the things I write and get something positive out of it. Witnessing my followers on this site growing to how 836 subscribers with about 20 countries reading it and tuning in.
5. Knowing things will only get better than this horrid time in my life is only temporary
6. Not being sorry I spent money on my mother and enjoying the time I had with her. She was receiving not one cent of her Social Security checks for over 5 years and I made sure she had what she needed and a bit of what she wanted as well. I did things with her, bought her nice Alfred Dunner clothes when the old ones had holes in them, made meals for her and will always remember those times. Now my evil sister won’t even put the phone up to her ear! It is hard to believe the same sister who is 11 years older than me once made doll dresses for me and gave me Barbie dolls now worth a fortune. (Any doll collectors we will talk later on!)
7. Let’s see, back to the things that gave me joy this month-really nothing this month except for the few meals I had out at Don Chente & meeting Erick the cook who makes their great food. Also, some of the locals in Long Beach were nice to talk to on Pine Street and a guy named Poncho who was watering his roses in his CA style house I talked to one day who told me how to take the “Blue Light” off Pacific Coast Highway where the Tower Hotel was I was staying at. (Whatever you do, do not stay at the Tower Hotel though I am sure you wouldn’t just by the looks of it. It was booked site unseen via hotels.com. Use Travelocity.com instead. The hotels are better, better prices and just better all the way around. I could write an article on why not to stay at a number two rated hotel. My opinion is why have a hotel around where the manager never answers his phone and is rude? )
8. I have been waiting for a check to arrive all week and when it does I will buy a Greyhound ticket to Tucson, Arizona and go finally see my Uncle Lewis who still represents what our family used to-good, kind, loving and stands up for what’s right like I do. He has the guest room waiting for me “with the good bed” as he jokingly says. There are a couple of places I want to write Feature Stories on that are in my phone to contact that I researched too.
9. Easter Sunday Dinner with my friends Dalal, Joseph, and their sons Mark and John. They made it all “right” when Mike Bunker insisted I move on Easter Sunday all my things into a storage vault instead of just leaving it at mom’s place two more months when I have lived there 12 years!

10. Taking my mile walk each day to the nearest bus stop by my Uncle Lewis’s house and soaking in the blue skies, Arizona purple mountains I remember so vividly as a child and looking at the various forms of cacti, and casa style adobe Spanish style houses and read brick they don’t build in southern CA. It is all facing, due to the earth quake ordinances.

I discovered today on Sunday that Uncle Lewis, in spite of his screaming at me the words “Why don’t you just shut up” a thousand times, not really but try 10 ten times. I swore to God that I would never utter another word to him and never give him the chance to say anything cruel to me again. Then after juggling my finances a thousand ways, making sure my phone stays on and connected, my JETPACK portable router keeping me hooked to the net, and arranging a payment plan with Uhaul, the company has my life in storage vaults….I chose to pretend I was Mother Teresa and let him say anything he wanted to me and obey whatever rules he wanted to keep me there until the first of the month.

He wanted me out today and then after his two friends that live on the block talked to him, and I explained I came to visit him and would have never come if I didn’t think he would be there for me.

I was diagnosed with complex and simple partial epilepsy when I was 9 and had a pretty tragic existence. I concentrate on being around positive and uplifting people so I can start the day in a positive light. That is not what has been going on for a year.

When I lived with mom I was spending hours at a computer monitor, making phone calls and sending faxes to infinitum to Bruce Broadwater on the CA Senate, Tony Villiagrosi who didn’t return one phone call or fax and as a human being does not impress me. HE is all out for Latino equality and if I were a Mexican lady with 10 illegitimate kids, he would have returned the call. I may not say the popular thing but it is the TRUTH.

I get paid a check that is a little higher than the one before and it can go to rent in a nicer place where I can detox from the yelling, smoking racism and stupidity that has gone on since my arrival.

How I long to go into “live mode” again, and just enjoy life, wake up relaxed, not like a firing squad is after you if the hotel isn’t paid for the next night. I am not retarded and can add and subtract but when you get $629 in SSI it goes as quickly as soon as the check is wired in my bank account. The next check in May will be $689 which will help pay for my phone.  Thanks to Jerome at the Social Security Administration in Tucson, Arizona in 45 minutes he realized I was being under-paid $500 a month, the equivalent of almost one social security check, each month. He put in a re-assessment and evaluation realizing that I was really given nothing and that I was living in a house with no heat, no cable, clogged plumbing but not enough money to fix any of it.

It was a catch 22-how do I get a place when the amount I was paid each month wouldn’t cover at least $1000 rent?

I am telling you this because: Any time you think you are being underpaid in life or that something isn’t right-go with your hunches or inner voice.

The odds of you being right are pretty good.

Look into it.

Read.

Educate yourself as I did to accomplish the task at hand. If racial discrimination is rampant in Garden Grove, CA with most the people who are presidents and managers being Vietnamese or Mexican and giving preferential treatment to those races in jobs. (NOT FAIR) I list there and want the right person to get the job with the right abilities, period!

I didn’t work my ___ off getting a 4.0 GPA and honor roll every semester in two colleges, learn a trade and then have racism and bigotry and hatred put me out of work as in the comment “We don’t want a white teacher”. The Vietnamese said that-about 20 of them. Then the thing I did my whole life-giving me residual income of $200 per student went out the window, even with advertising. When nobody speaks English in your so-called  “neighborhood”, word of mouth, the thing that fuels any business, is dead.

I am amazed to see Vietnamese people  here in Arizona speak English every where I go and have manners! Yes, I know that is how it is supposed to be but that is not the experience I have experienced in the 12 years of living in Garden Grove, CA.

There are so many ideas and feeling flowing around in this post that I am not sure where it is going to end or how I will sum it all up in the end.

I wanted.

Some who read this will say it sounds like a journal and it is too personal, but that’s OK. This is all I can write right now and for all I know this article/blog posting might shoot through the roof and become viral. It is written from the depths of my soul and with more tears in my eyes and a sick feeling in my stomach from drinking too many cups of coffee and not enough food. (I have grocery bags of food under the table from meals I had been making in the hotel. I just cannot afford ten-dollar meals. I had two and they were good and I smile in memory of them. If it doesn’t come off a Food Stamp card it doesn’t get bought at this time. I say a prayer of gratitude for this country of ours every time I buy something with that card. We are the only country that takes care of its people like we do. I hope this coming year I make so much money I have a lump in the bank and some to give away to people who matter to me.

I had money in reserves but when mom lived next to me, since she hadn’t received one dime of her Social Security check thanks to my dad and Mike Bunker, who was and is her power of attorney, mom and needs and wants and I filled them and gave her and I some positive, wonderful memories. When she had holes in her one pair of pants I bought her new Alfred Dunner ones and blouses to match them so she could have dignity. She matters to me and I wanted to know simply that she was worth caring about. My dad was the star of the show with ambulances coming every day to take him somewhere while I was talking to social workers to please put him in a rest home because my mother did not have the mental or physical ability to take care of him any longer. (No one person could have taken care of him because he was nearly paralyzed and for the lack of mobility in his legs; he was paralysed though never dubbed that. The VA Hospital did a lousy job on his welfare and basically watched him die, doing nothing to get him in programs that could have elongated his life. They know I am not pleased with that and am currently suing them for damages of the triple loss of my father, and how the whole situation traumatized my mother each day when I had to be the one that explained to her where dad was doing and what was happening. (MY mother’s short-term memory loss was so great she would ask me 10 to 20 times each day where I was going until finally I left and would be lying if I didn’t say it was a relief to be away.

Dementia and Alzheimer’s disease requires the patience of  saint to deal with and each day you ask yourself for the strength and reserves to be able to choose the right path which is never the easy path.

I have seen polar extremes of a more opulent life style when I was married to my rocket scientist ex and I was a master piano teacher not living in a very bigoted neighborhood called Little Saigon, surrounded by racists who didn’t want the white teacher I am.

I have known joy and seen now where I am waiting for better times to come but wanting to create them in act word and deed. I am not looking up at God above but using the skills and abilities I was given by God every day to problem solve and hopefully live a life worth living very soon.

Every day is worth living and I-even now of course, but I long to just be seen the fruits of my labors-my place I wrote countless letters to obtain, to hear my mother’s voice who lives with my sister in Moreno Valley who doesn’t realize she is hurting mom-or maybe she does know that subconsciously but simply doesn’t care!. Why was I the only kid who obtained a college degree in spite of my limitations or disabilities? Why am I mom’s youngest daughter who accomplished everything I ever set out to do? Why are all my friends’ awesome human beings who care about the world around them, children, the environment and maximizing positivity and minimizing the negatives? The answer to that question is: I select my friends carefully because who you are around you will eventually become. My mother said that to me when I was only a child and I remember it to this day. She was right as she was with dozens of things she told me that have held to this day.