It’s always summer in my heart.

It’s no matter that I have lived in Las Vegas, NV several years now with the dust blowing around me and the rocks beneath my feet; it will always be summer in my heart and soul.

Me below at the Starbucks in The Stratosphere. The photo was taken a few days ago on the 11th of November. 

I was born in Tucson, Arizona, also the desert Southwest, but for over 40 years of my life. Southern California was my home.

I was old enough to truly appreciate the blue expanse of the Pacific Ocean around me, the palm trees  calm of the beautiful flowers and all of the other  extraordinary scenery  of California.

It is where I went elementary school, Middle School, High School and college graduate School. Where I was married and 15 years later unfortunately divorced. But it’s also where I began discovering who I really was deep inside after being true to my inner voice, as I call my intuition.

I would love to lease a place there and yet keep my place in Vegas. That way, I could enjoy the uniqueness of both and do work with my old clients and discover new ones.

There are no perfect places to live, but ones that can never be forgotten, like the special people who have helped make me who I am.

I hope that what’s coming for me is like my paper whites blooming with twice the blooms they were supposed to have, my goals exceeding my expectations. 

Written by Paulette Le Pore Motzko

High definition Summer in My Heart image from Zedge.

All other images by Paulette Motzko.

Photo of Paulette Motzko taken by Elvira.

November 14, 2017. 12:45 midnight; updated 2 a.m.

Light House by James Taylor & “A Lighthouse is what I Hope to Be” by Paulette Le Pore Motzko

I am so surprised I have never heard this beautiful song by James Taylor and that it wasn’t played more when it came out years ago, and isn’t played more now. 
His music got me through high school and it’s still getting me by. Between his melodic harmonies,  beautiful guitar playing, and wisdom filled words…he’s still got it and illustrates how you can get better as you get older

Like James Taylor’s beautiful song,

 I  want to be a lighthouse that shine’s a ray of hopeful light out for all to see…

I want it lead the way to safety and more positive and hopeful paths for others.

I have treaded tragic paths so gruesome it would shock most people and I don’t think the average person could have lived and survived through it. I know they wouldn’t have.

Fortunately I wasn’t made average though, and I am always adapting each day, doing the best with what parameters I am given.

I have lived through a literal hell of health problems, striving for better times while making most of the least, while becoming more.

 I had to become strong, industrious and good at research to find the answers to my medical dilemmas and to get answers on how to find my cure to intractable catamenial epilepsy. There is no cure, but with the right medicine, doctor, diet, sleep and winning attitude, I am doing very well. After all, when you have everything to gain from finding the answers, you look harder and relentlessly. 

 When you do find life changing answers to help yourself, you can also help others with it as well and possibly even make history….which gives me great joy at the mere thought. 

In spite of all the hell and lack of friends throughout my life, who I thought had integrity but found friends who are not genuine when they discover you are “different” from them and don’t like you unconditionally as I do with others.

 I always focused on what my abilities were and all the positive aspects of my life. Being dealt a disability-epilepsy at nine years old; that is all I have known. My best and first friend was blind like Helen Keller, and she was genuine and thoroughly as accepting of me as I was her. I learned qualities like compassion and empathy early though, unlike most kids. 

Those earliest memories helped form my character who us one who sees the beauty in all people.

I continually tried to push to the limits, erasing the word DIS and maximizing the word ABILTIES.

I hope and pray one day my disability will simply fade away like a ship in the bleak of night, passing the lighthouse on by, letting my light shine as it was always supposed to.

I hope one day my light will shine so brilliantly, like an aurora borealis crystal, sparking so bright that people forget and simply don’t care that I was “disabled” at all….but know my special talents far way anything else. 
Written by Paulette Le Pore Motzko,

Images from Zedge

Compiled by Paulette Motzko

Copyright June 23rd, 2017

12:23 midnight

Updated 7:03 a.m.

When $65,000 a year for a drug is applauded : Pharmaceutical Prices & A Disabled Person’s Right To Live in Dignity with All Needs Met

When $65,000 a year for a drug is applauded

http://www.cnn.com/2017/04/03/health/prescription-drug-prices-public-opinion/index.html

Paulette Le Pore Motzko’s Note to Pharmaceutical Companies on Placing People First and Nevada’s Unfair Treatment of People with Epilepsy, Civil Rights & Disabilities 

I wish more pharmaceutical companies had more or a “Triple Win Attitude”: I Win, You Win & Society Wins. Huge multi million dollar companies need to keep ever present the real, flesh and blood people they are developing the drug to help.

They simply can function effectively as a business and still charge less  for the consumer. 

For instance, my medicine for epilepsy called Vimpat that I take is $20 a pill made by UCB. It cost nearly $2,300 a month along with my Tegretol that I take for a complex partial epilepsy. I have Nevada Medicaid and am on SSI, which allows you to make money and collect it, and pays less than SSDI-full disability.  (it also took two and a half years to win with the aid of a social security disability lawyer  too and I had to say goodbye to my alimony from the rocket scientist I was married to for 15 years to get that crappy $728 but my medical is covered. 

Yet after stating all those facts, the state of Nevada doesn’t think anyone who was diagnosed with epilepsy has a medical conditiom or termed disabled, even though the director at the DMV told me I will automatically get a disabled placard when I update my Nevada state ID.

 (I’m still trying to obtain a certified copy of my old marriage license to prove I’m Paulette Le Pore Motzko. That’s a $65 stupid document is so outrageous it is unbelievable. I’ve been divorced from him since 2001 and my name was legally changed in Garden Grove, California in 1986, when I got married.  I’m going to go talk to one of my friends who is a librarian and see if she can get me the silly document free because $65 is a lot of money to prove I’m who I am! I’ve been trying to get that document 3 times now and it is difficult since my CA ID expired on my birthday last August.

Nevada needs to spend more time educating their political leaders about things like crimehuman dignity, the pedestrian fatality rate and placing penalties on drunk drivers and their educating RTC and people who are public servants about various disabilities, NAMELY neurological ones like EPILEPSY. That would use everybody’s time in an effort worth expending time on.

This may be Nevada and it may have the worst weather in the United States, and 60 mile an hour-knock you on your ass dust storms, high fraud rates,  allergies that wont quit due to blowing dust, and vapes and casinos on every corner with few nonsmoking areas other than Starbucks.

But Nevada is still only one state in the USA it still is the United States of America. And as far as I’m concerned as far as I know, in the USA, we all have certain basic rights.

One of those rights is to be treated fairly. Denying people with epilepsy the right to use Paratransit and having the head Federal representative not know what epilepsy even is is a crime.  

That should be against the law and it probably is.

After after the grand negligence that happened to me regarding Paratransit  and the callousness and apathy on behalf of Senator Harry Reid’s office is disgusting.

 It doesn’t reflect great kindly on him.  The irony is Harry Reid can barely see and uses Paratransit himself, so you think he’d be the first understand the meaning of a doctor’s letter when a doctor writes for a patient to take a medication and says you need it to live, which mine has done since age 9.

You think he would understand as well as the governor,  how important it is to look after the safety of people with epilepsy and not allow them to be injured. I was.

 I was talking to Harry Reid about raising the cost of living index to $1200 a month for all people on SSI and SSDI. 

I still have pictures of the first place I lived in when I first moved here.  That horrid $728 a month buys nothing  in terms of living quality and your standard of life. All you have to do is  think and care and be a responsible person realize that along with all inflation and elevated prices going up, the cost of living index for all disabled people  hasn’t been raised in over 20 years.

SSI is $200 less than what California has per month. Who created an SSI (supplementary Social Security) of $728 anyway? A monkey with an abacus?  Everything needs to be updated  to reflect 2017 prices. Make the minimum BE $1000 for God’s sake! Round it up. Turn the insulting, impoverished amount in to something a human being can really spend, not just make due in the real world. $1200 is actually usable and workable  for the average person.

 Anybody who thinks that SSI and SSDI checks are handed on a platter they are not you are sadly mistaken.


Image from Pinterest.

Lawyer Bill LaTour won my case in Southern California and I can’t count all of the doctors I went to and specialists and career counselors and all the questions I had to answer and psychological assessments in order to finally present my case. Most who are disabled would rather be working. In the final hearing all of the doctors and the career counselor appeared in a small courtroom and they’re the judge asked me what my name was and after about 5 minutes he reviewed all the evidence presented by every one of the doctors that I had to see you over the course of a year and a half before he finally awarded me ssi. That took a mere five minutes and those were the only words that I other than that. 

You can’t sue the government but you can sue people who work for the government.  And one by one I will if I don’t get my Paratransit FOR MYSELF AND SET A PRECIDENT FOR ALL WHO HAVE EPILEPSY IN THE STATE OF NEVADA. 

After all, I’m the former President and founder of The Epilepsy Connection which was a grassroots organization in Orange County, California  that helped countless people in California and many other states, and three other countries who had no other resources whatsoever. I’m also the former director of the Epilepsy Foundation sub affiliate in Garden Grove, California years ago. 

In other words, I am a catalyst for positive change and I hope to  merge forces with other disabled people making us stronger as a united team.


 I’ve got arthritis in that left ankle that won’t go away, just as my dad was  just about paralyzed in a wheelchair from osteoarthritis  before he died several years ago.

After having a drop seizure- due to being out in 115 degree heat when I shouldn’t have been.  That because I was having problems but two idiot’s went against my epileptologist’s letter stating that. I think that’s a crime isn’t it? 

DAN HOWLAND AND JIM CHAMPOU, THE IDIOTS WHO DIDNT VALIDATE THAT DOCTOR’S LETTER AND THOUGHT DR. EVANGALISTA WROTE IT FOR THE FUN OF IT, INSTEAD TO PREVENT INJURY TO ME.

Maybe no lawyer in Nevada has wanted to take my case YET, IT IS A crime AND A  double crime since Dan Howell and told me he didn’t care about people with epilepsy to my face  and he said he didn’t care about learning about anything to do with them he liked being ignorant. After everything  hits the fan and people pay the price they should have paid a couple years ago but I wasn’t any kind of health condition  to be able  to press charges, I hope he’s fired  and not only that I hope charges are filed on him  for endangerment and that is endangering me.

I believe the max I can do is $10,000  in the state of Nevada for him personally and  also Jim shampoo $10,000 and also Tina Quigley, the head of RTC , who all she could say during our phone conversation was “uh huh” after I said anything.  In other words, she did nothing and could have been forced my Paratransit ID once suck it but she did not. That’s another $10,000.

 They put my life at risk because I was having drop seizures of time and that was written in the letter so that’s called personal injury and I with all the evidence that I can bring which is a hell of a lot of it I call it instant win.

It is the principle here. I am hoping I won’t need to and they will come to their senses. Maybe the  Governor can hear the whole sordid story and make it right trade she seemed like the most level-headed person in the most articulate intelligent person I’ve seen hold office in Nevada so far.

 I think Nevada has some disabled Senators who have disabled minds and need to greatly educate themselves about what all this abilities are an update themselves with 2017.

Civil rights and then do the educate themselves on disabilities that go far beyond physical ones in a wheelchair.

The statistics on disability is there are more people with invisible disabilities like epilepsy than those with more visible ones.

California was better with Paratransit by far.  I had Paratransit in California over 25 years and I come to the 1800’s Wild West High Desert of Nevada and here they turn me down. I called Paratransit once waiting 2 hours and after the two hours the lady said, ” oh didn’t you know? Just because you call Paratransit doesn’t mean it’ll show up!” 

Ignorance again.   

You shouldn’t be a leader in the state if you are igorant in the ways I have seen. Dina Titus, Head of Transportation had no desire to help me get what I was owed as a disabled American citizen.

Nevada Medicaid pays for my medicine now and I hope it always does because it’s the best combination I have ever been on in my now 55 years young.

 

 

Even all that being said Senator Reid doesn’t think I have a disability-isn’the that rediculous? 

I even sent Senator Reid pictures of my medicine and all the vitamins that I take and the doctor’s letter from my specialist who prescribes my medicine and the copy of my medical ID bracelet and he still didn’t think that I was disabled!

 Living in Nevada is like living in the wild west where they think they can do anything. The American with Disabilities Act is something that I know all about  and because I was turned down for Paratransit here I could sue every senator in the entire State and when  because my civil rights were violated and I broke my left ankle as a result of having a drop seizure a year ago and was nearly in power chair after! Was I disabled enough for you then Nevada  huh 7 read  the governor ? Is that what you want to but everybody Wheelchairs and that’s the only kind of stability you think exist in this world ? Wake up  you need to get your head examined and go look at the medical book and read it all of this abilities that exist in this world there quite a lot of them  we have a lot of components to our bodies not just a physical body  without your neurological system you’re nothing you can’t write you can’t speak you can’t do anything.

I now have arthritis in that left ankle, which makes might a personal injury case that I didn’t want come into the state I just wanted a place to live it was cheap that’s it I didn’t come here for the gambling  I don’t drink I don’t smoke I don’t do drugs and I don’t gamble why did I come here for cheap rent that’s it hat’s part of living in Nevada is not something I like but it’s also against my civil rights too. 

I’ll be talking to the governor of Nevada this year about all of those issues as well as others that affect everyone or just same old and about raising the cost of living index for all people who are disabled to something that allows them to live in dignity, which the $728 a month does not.

I want to see that all people can afford tm what they need to keep them alive. 

Hear that pharmaceutical companies? 

Remember the human element. 

Remember why you’re developing the medicine in the first place.

 What good  is a fantastic medicine with a high efficiency rate and the low side effect rate and a huge success rate if the patients cannot afford it? I’m asking you that question mark I was made a rocket scientist for 15 years and I’m fairly bright that’s not even logical is it to make the price outlandish.

If drugs are so outrageously priced limiting who can take them, it defeats the purpose why the drug was ever created.

 I wish the scientist who developed the drugs could price the drugs because then they would be priced at something reasonable that makes sense. 

Because people who are scientists creating these compounds to help people would never charge people outrageous prices because they’re more humanitarian in spirit than the simply sales reps promoting the products getting huge commissions driving company cars!

 Let the pharmacology medicine developers help set a price that is more accurate.

 I saw pharmaceutical reps every time I went into one of my neurology offices in Orange off La Veta when I was married years ago.  I think what they do should be against the law because they’re giving doctors Kickbacks to promote drugs. because of that, doctors are  not looking at to the best needs of the patient. The Pharmaceutical reps  are allowed to  dangle money in front of a doctor’s faces and saying over here I’ll give you this money -a bribe.

How in the hell can a good doctor think straight  with the ” Wheeler Dealers” walking around dangling incentives.

Pharmaceutical companies remind me of real estate companies in California. Everybody is so greedy that they have to make “over profit” aking for way more than is affordable for most everyone except millionaires. 

 Medicine companies: Remember the people FIRST. Without people in this world you have nothing. Nothing but dust and a bunch of chemicals a test tube that people NEED.

Written by Paulette Motzko on April 5th 2017 at 12:48 p.m. 

This is story was aired on Totally Inspired Mind: Where Posititive Minds Congregate and Beautiful Soul Shine.

TotallyInspiredMind.com

I created the following document on my Galaxy Note 4 Phablet and the edits are coming in on my Samsung S2 tablet. My phablet  overheated just like I do when I even think about the things that I’ve been through for no good reason.  I almost was history in this town so rather than be history I’m going to make history instead, making it better for everyone.








Edited  April 5th 2017 at 3:36

Written by Paulette Le Pore Motzko 

Stages of Our Lives Pass Like Changing Seasons by Paulette Le Pore Motzko New Version 

Above images created by Paulette Le Pore Motzko, Copyright 2016

Written by Paulette Le Pore Motzko.

Copyright February 2017

I accidentally erased the link that was on here going to a blog post called “Stages of Change”, and prior to finding the blog post in the wee hours this morning, I had the idea to write this.

I thought the entire story would be written in an hour or by about 3 p.m. now yesterday afternoon, Las Vegas, NV time. It’s 4:00 a.m. February 28th,  2017 and with a Pentatonix Concert on Neflix playing,  I have been embellishing the post with more images that I feel tell part of the story too and modifying what I wrote.

I hope you will enjoy it. Yesterday was my day to “Get Absorbed in The News Day” writing commentaries. I am an empath in many ways, and can only handle hearing about the news of the world every few days. I would never get anything done if I did otherwise. All I have to do is run into one god-forsaken story about Trump, who’s Triple loser in my book, especially after hearing he made fun of a disabled person. Anyone that would make fun of any kind of disabled person is a pathetic human being. Trump’s animalistic, racist and self demeaning behavior boggles my mind. Yes,  I know he tries to demean other people but all he succeeds and doing it’s just lowers himself to increasing new levels of mediocrity.  I want him impeached to preserve the integrity of the United States as an American citizen. He simply makes us look bad in the eyes of other nations.

Enough of my political view points, that were not in the original post,  but I don’t stand alone in my feelings. 

One of my golden rules in life is to be genuine and totally authentic. People respect that. When it comes to followers and buying followers  I don’t . All mine are real and represent real, living, breathing , wonderful people  who I have impressed somehow, or I’ve inspired, or empowered, made laugh, entertained,  or they look forward to something that I write, my original images,  or they like just me in general and my persona. My followers are real people who follow me  because I am REAL and put on no pretenses. Anything other than that is just fake in my book, and I’m working on two books currently.

 I get asked all the time you want to buy some followers they say why? I have my own real ones from hard work  writing what I feel is good content. I think any industry they call that  organic. As a writer I call it smart because it’s how I know what people LIKE. IF everything is fake and contrived, it doesn’t reflect anything real but it’s just a mere illusion of popularity

  When ever I see Trump’s face, one word comes to mind- impeachment. I sincerely hope that happens so the disasters and hate crimes nationwide he instigated can end. The United States needs to think of our progress rather than regression. I wish Trump wasn’t really and instead a really bad nightmare ,  nut we all wake up and he’s still there unfortunately!
 Like many of my stories, posts and pictures; they are going through a creative evolutionary process, contantly changing or improving, like their creator me! We all change everyday just a little bit, even though we can’t see the changes, we still do. The great thing about that is it we all have a say in how we change,  and in what ways we change. You just have to want to change then catapult your want with action to make it a reality.

Above photo taken by my friend Martha the general manager of The Canonita-Mexico City Soul Food. Photo editing by Paulette Motzko.

Just like the seasons are now changing from winter to spring, this article is changing with every word I write. 

I hope the finished product has you look at not only me in a new way, but life in general in a new way and directs you to a newfound realization of the power you possess in it.

Embrace change. It us the only constant in life.  Those who do the best in life ADAPT.

Much like a surfer on a surfboard riding the wave, those that master the “Art of Living”, ride the wave called LIFE. We can learn from the quick reflexes of the surfer, adjusting what we do in correlation to what’s the way  was coming our way.

Above image photography by Paulette Le Pore Motzko, PLM Studios, 2017

Photography by Leonardo Valencia. Digital Arts by Paulette Motzko. 

Copyright May 2016

Above High definition wallpaper image from Zedge.com

When I was younger I hadn’t discovered my full potential yet and didn’t see the world from a big picture vantage point yet. That was to be uncovered and made visible over time. I was a very sick, misunderstood kid that grew up in the 60’s, at a time before the time “bullying” was invented or before people cared to do something about it at least. 

My nanny came to live with us when I was nine, the same age I was diagnosed with epilepsy. The piano she brought with her would soon become my best friend. It took until high school at 14 to be invented for me to know what size your freedom was.  Until the time kids were just too mean spirited stupid to ever give me a chance as human being, let alone as a friend.  I wrote music on that Henry Ford. Miller piano and read lots of cookbooks and passed the time figuring out what I was going to make and cook, analyzing recipes as though it were a novel envisioning  what I’d make  when I grew up and the parties that I would have and how awesome it would be…….

Image created by Paulette Motzko, Copyright 2016

Every day pray and meditate as your 1st thing in the day.  Connect with your Omnipotent Power of the Universe asking for Wisdom and Guidance. I AM CHISTIAN BAPTIZED CATHOLIC, BUT I AM SPIRITUAL IN NATURE. No matter what your faith, place that part of you first and you cannot be steered wrong.


Above image created by Paulette Motzko, Copyright October 2016. Since that time I have a thousand more followers on 

Totally Inspired Mind

Light an aromatherapy candle and find out how you can tap into what’s inside your SOUL.

 I have always found lighting a candle is a way to connect to a hidden, very special light planted in my soul. 

Chances are, if you try it, you will discover it too.

Before you know it, when you start connecting with your Spiritual Source, you’ll find a light that you can protect outward at the world, and the world will be brighter as result of it. If your light shines brilliantly it’s own special way, the light will never go away as long as the World Turns. If you bring something to the world nobody has ever seen before that has great merit,  you’ll be memorable enough that your memory and good you did will “shine” like the aurora borealis.

The older I get the more I focus on the good I can give rather than what I can get and options and opportunities open like flowers in the Spring.


Photographer Leonardo Valencia. Digital Arts by Paulette Motzko.



Above wallpaper image from Zedge.com



Stay centered.

Keep your focus on what matters.

Don’t do something just because everybody else is.

Have your own viewpoints and own them.

Above 3 images created by Paulette Motzko, Copyright 2015, 2016 and 2017.

Image with diary and old fashioned fountain pen by Zedge.com.

Write every day, even if you are the only one who reads what you write. 

Remember:  “With a pen,  paper and an idea, I have the world!”

Writing is a way you can connect with your innermost self, your hopes and dreams unfurl as you hold that pen in your hand, or as you type. Whichever method helps you connect better and be more prolific, do it! 


Go after what you really want in life early and do what you, and nobody else was meant to do.

Above image of The Venetian Trio who are doing what they were meant to do. That reflects in every song they play.

The above image of Norman Vito, pianist at The Bellagio Petrussian Caviar Bar. He is ” in his element at the piano, as though he’s where he is was destined to be.”

Photographed and created by Paulette Motzko, PLM Studios, February 2017

Keep Supporters of Your Dreams Close To You

Photography by Leonardo Valencia, of Paulette Motzko holding one of her Nikons.

Keep Negative and Hurtful People Away From You. You owe it to yourself to have a happy and productive life. Negative people are like a ball and chain who get their enjoyment from dragging you down because they don’t have the initiative, talent or ideas that you do. Repel them like water beads on Vaseline.

Above image from Pinterest, from Girlheartscamera.com. Quote by Oprah Winfrey. 

Water the Garden of Your Dreams Daily by working on each Project.

Listen to your inner voice, or intuition because it is always right.

Take time for your routine that keeps you most healthy.

If music is a passion of yours, sing a song or put some music out in the universe making your contribution to making a more harmonious world.

Above image photography by Rosie Emberton. Digital Photo Arts by Paulette Le Pore Motzko.

Life is a balancing act composed of spiritual time, personal time, work time, leisure time and whatever other classifications you when to add.


Take time to do self-introspection so you can see how far you’ve come and how far you’ve gone to appreciate Where You Are now.

 Mentor others  so you can help others carry the torch and do things easier than you once did.
Donate your time then to philanthropic things to give back to the world and it will give you more back than you ever dreamed.
Make the most of where you are now. Use the tools you have now, they don’t have to be the best tools but they’re the tools we can afford and use them maximize them and save up for whatever equipment you need to do your job well.
Don’t take the first no for an answer you hear. If you’re not getting what you want with your company go to the corporate level and I guarantee you’ll get what you want.
Aim for your goals like a GPS guidance system guides a Delta rocket to outer space


    I hope you have reading this as much as I have enjoyed sharing my 55 year old wisdom and 20 year old heart with you! 

    Maybe God had in mind me destroying the original post, so I could write this one which is my own, and my brainchild. 

    Written by Paulette Le Pore Motzko

    February 27th 2017 at 1:55 p.m.

    Updated February 27th 2017 at 3:19 p.m. and illustrations added 6:38 p.m.

    Updated February 28 2016 at 5:26 a.m.

    If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it. If you don’t ask the answer is always no. Nora Roberts

    Nora Roberts says : “If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place”

    Image photographed and created by Paulette Motzko.

    https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.success.secrets.daily

    From Success Secrets Daily.

    Compiled by Paulette Motzko.

    January 2017. 8:48 a.m.

    Sharing Stellar Ideas Like  Monarch Butterflies Flying From My Hands to The World by Paulette L Motzko

    This all began with me sharing a beautiful Chinese Proverb late in the day and having Jennie Fitzkee, who is a teacher, writer and blogger and wonderful human being comment on how wonderful it was can I share the proverb. See it said that through me  I made the proverb brand new again. 

    And I told her that I had never heard it before so for me it was brand new. 

    From there I tried to put into words what inspiration is to me. And,  for the first time I was able to actually define it in a way that accurately fits what I envision it to be.

    I asked Jennie to email exactly what I wrote in my reply to her, and she did. Somehow when I replied to her on the WordPress Web platform,  my response was completely not visible to me, and they always are.

    “Jennie, I had never heard it so for me it was sparkling brand new.  It is just so gratifying when I share something I know is meaningful here.  I have a photographic memory and am a visionary kind of person.  I picture me gently holding a monarch butterfly in my hand and seeing the beauty of it all…then letting it go free to shine it’s beautiful splendor on the world.  The audience of Totally Inspired Mind are like flowers in a garden, each unique in their own way, none more pretty than the next.  

    When I get an idea I think is along the lines of good or great or empowering, the idea transforms into that “butterfly” that I briefly hold in my hands, admiring it, only to let it go free in hopes it will touch other’s lives to spread joy to them too.

      Jennie inspired me to write that, what I called on a new Board on Pinterest I created today called “Divine Inspiration”….

    People can be a catalyst for incredible ideas and collaboration that would never have been had the two people met. I would have never believed that when I got the idea for Totally Inspired Mind: Where Positive Minds Congregate from a hotel room Huntington Beach after I realized I could no longer take care of my mother who had very acute Alzheimer’s disease. Mom required a 24 hour staff  instead of me. And the most liberating thing was realizing that and being blatantly honest with those realities.

    I began focusing on only myself and putting myself number one, which was strange at first. I was giving everything I possessed as a human being with nothing coming back my way, and I had to quit before the flame was extinguished. The flame bein me.

    Too many caregivers give so much of themselves there remains only a whisp of who they originally were before, with almost nothing left for themselves. That is all too common in the world. 

     I had the idea for this site but just never had a free moment to be able to think or concentrate on anything for longer than 5 minutes. I am not complaing, those were just the realities of helping my dear mother Ramona, now in heaven–I am glad I was there for here because she needed me, and this time’s with her are precious memories that will play back for all time with a smile on my face.

    I wouldn’t ever have believed what began as my brain child where I could envision the greatest, most kind, big picture thinking people all getting together….and meeting one another….around a table set around the world.

    It transformed from my vision to  a website to immediate skyrocket of passionate, Triple Winning people who instantly embraced my idea and loved it. 

    The amount of effort that I’ve expended into it has comeback a thousandfold. It transformed from a caterpillar of an idea and through a kind of time-lapse metamorphosis, became a living, breathing wonderful entity. ….a very human thing because it is composed of imput and comments from all if you-my fabulous readers!

    Image from Pinterest,  author unknown 

    I have transformed into a completely different lady too, through the years, who is stronger and more capable and happier with a place I can truly call home.

    Photographed by Montrelle Edwards

    Photo Editing by Paulette Motzko

    Copyright October 2016

    Image of Paulette Motzko taken by Paulette Motzko

    Thank you for continually inspiring me and adding so much richness to my life. 

    You all are extraordinary, and very empowering, people.
    ************************

    “Jennie, I had never heard it so for me it was sparkling brand new.  It is just so gratifying when I share something I know is meaningful here.  I have a photographic memory and am a visionary kind of person.  I picture me gently holding a monarch butterfly in my hand and seeing the beauty of it all…then letting it go free to shine it’s beautiful splendor on the world.  The audience of Totally Inspired Mind are like flowers in a garden, each unique in their own way, none more pretty than the next.  When I get an idea I think is along the lines of good or great or empowering it the idea transforms into that butterfly that I briefly hold in my hands, admiring it, only to let it go free in hopes it will touch other’s lives to spread joy to them too.  I have never been able to write that before Jennie.  You inspire me.  God bless you.”
    Your exact words, Paulette.  Please let me know you got this email.
    Jennie
     

    Images found on Pinterest and I could not find the names of the photographers anywhere.


    My Mother is Dying But Her Spirit Lives Through Me

    I was a caregiver for my sweet mother Ramona Lea Le Pore who on the last decade of her life was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.

    My sister in law contacted me to yell me mom has a tumor on her kidney and is now dying.
    I knew the time would come when mom would leave this earth and touch the face of God, being reunited with dad in heaven, but I wasn’t prepared for so sudden of tragic news.

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    In my old kitchen drinking tea with mom after making dinner

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    As long as I am alive, mom’s name will be in the prefaces of the books I will write, and so many creative things my mother helped show me how to do by believing in me: piano playing, cooking, poetry, lyric writing and singing.

    She was my cheerleader, my best friend, my confidant and encouraged my creativity. I miss hearing her voice and laughter.
    She was the most appreciative person I ever knew or will know.
    That’s why it was a joy to do anything for her like cook her favorite meal.

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    Mom and I in the 16 x 20 photo to the right on my desk last Christmas 2015.

    Little would I know that the photo I created to immortalize a stellar moment in time would be the only vestige of my mother to keep me going. With no ability to make phone calls or talk to her the photo was and is all I have.

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    Mom and dad when dad was in The Air Force

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    I had been thinking of mom all week and just feeling something strange like an inner voice telling me mom might not have much longer to live. This morning I looked up at the 16 x 20 mural I had made of mom and I happy in Huntington Beach, CA and am happy I immortalized the moment.

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    Mom sitting across from me happy on a beautiful southern California day at Ruby’s Diner.

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    Mom from the time I was 4 years old read to me and taught me phonetics, opening my eyes to wider worlds. She was a visionary before that word was popular.

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    Mom taught me to see the beauty in the simple pleasures of life….in flowers, nature and taught me to cherish people and take care of the things you own-and in that order of priority.

    Mom loved being useful and when she cared about you, she would go to the ends of the earth to make you happy. If you complimented something she might give it to you!

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    The photo I took from the wall that was cut from a 16 x 20 that survived a fire. Much like my mother, the photo was resilient and a survivor.

    This photo that’s on my upright grand piano and a crucifix that belonged to Nanny my grandmother are all I took when I was told “take what you want from mom’s stuff.”

    Mom was alive but with Alzheimer’s disease and if she didn’t put it in my hand I wasn’t going to take it. I wanted to be remembered for what I gave her instead of what I took from her.

    Hearing the birds singing their morning song at 4:46 a.m. I am going to wrap this up by saying hug those around you who you care about. Live life so you have no regrets and give more than you take. I sincerely tried to do just that with my mother but I will miss her terribly. Her smile was like the sun to me.

    Please pray for my mother and family and I. Thank you.

    Written by
    Paulette Le Pore Motzko
    Photography Paulette Motzko
    July 4th, 2016
    4:50 a.m.

    Watch “Les Brown: Keys To Self Motivation (Inspirational!)” on YouTube

    “The next time you have a 33 minute commute or have a long bus ride like I do quite often, or have something that you’re doing that you want to really hear something empowering and extraordinary, listen to Les Brown’s words.

    He has a wonderful way of taking the experiences that he’s gone through in life transforming them into fresh metaphors and comparisons that empower the world. I guarantee you’ll walk away feeling better and learning after investing the 33 minutes here. I hope that you enjoy all of the videos that I put up today on Totally Inspired Mind. along with all of the  pictures and stories that I write.

    Thank you so much for tuning in.
    And a warm welcome to all of the    many new followers this week! Totally Inspired Mind is approaching 3000 followers now.

    Paulette Motzko
    May 13th, 2016 9:47 a.m.

    Success Comes with Rising Above Your Current Circumstance and Going Beyond That. -Jim Rhon. Paraphrased by Paulette Motzko

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    Image photographed by Paulette Motzko, PLM Studios

    April 2016 4:08 p.m.

    When was the last time in your life that you went beyond what you ever thought you could do in life and surprised even yourself?

    How good you feel when you did that?

    What things have you done recently that showed that you can do anything in this world if you only put your mind to it.

    Written by Paulette L Motzko

    There’s always a blue sky after the rain. Paulette Motzko

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    Maybe it’s raining in your life with problems now, or maybe it’s literally raining like it is here in Las Vegas, NV.

    No matter what, figurative or literal, the sun’s rays will be awaiting you on the other side of the storm.

    Know you are never alone and as you journey through life God is walking by your side like your Mighty Partner.

    The storm clouds will eventually lift and the sun will peer through the clouds again.

    Written by Paulette Le Pore Motzko
    Image photographed & Digital Arts by Paulette Motzko,
    PLM Studios

    Copyright April 2016

    Prayer is not the overcoming of God’s reluctance, but the taking hold of God’s willingness. Phillip Brooks

    This is on the inside cover of a book that I carry around with me every day and say certain portions of it that I’ve marked with a Post-It notes called “Handle with Prayer” by Alan Cohen.

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    I found my copy for a dollar fifty at a book sale in a Friends of The Library sale in southern California, with coffee stains all over the cover and scribbles on the inside, but I didn’t care. I could see the merit of the wonderful book without even reading it. One’s trash is another treasure.

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    The cover was beat up and damaged so I covered it with cat stickers because if I ever had a pet again it would be a cat. The stickers give me joy, make the cover look a little better and strike up conversations from passers by who see me reading it.

    It’s published by Hay House Publishers.

    I recommend it to anybody.

    It’s a fantastic book then we’ll have you thinking in more positive ways and transforming your ideas about prayer, God, what you can do and accomplish and a host of other things.

    Alan Cohen has written I believe over 20 books.

    http://www.HayHouse.com

    The ISBN number on this book handle with prayer is:

    ISBN 1 – 56170 – 467 – 9 hardcover

    This book is classified as prayer and self-realization and religious aspects.

    Written by Paulette L Motzko
    Photos by Paulette L Motzko
    Copyright March 2016

    7:39 a.m.

    My strength did not come from lifting weights…..

    My strength did not come from lifting weights. My strength came from lifting myself up and I was knocked down.

    This is my favorite one of the year end of last year because that’s exactly what I did in my life over the last year.
    It has been, and will continue to be probably my most positively transformative year in my life. It has also been one of the most exhausting physically.

    Mom and I are and always will be together in spirit, though now she’s a few hour’s away.

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    Mom at age 16……

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    My Nanny’s crucifix that was on her wall for years and then mom painted it with gold leaf.

    I must look a million times a day for inspiration and insight here.

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    Nanny’s praying hands by the wooden Virgin Mary my Uncle Mervin mailed me because I helped him when he was dying of cancer.

    Keep things around you that inspire you and give you strength.

    Written by Paulette L Motzko
    Image found on Pinterest
    Copyright June 11, 2015
    5:52 a.m.

    Severely disabled man with over 25 serious conditions shares inspiring message: ‘I’m still loving life because it could always be worse’

    Once in our lifetimes comes a courageous, strong, capable, disabled but able, hero like this young man. The next time you think of complaining about the food you have in your cupboard or fridge-how would you like to not taste at all?

    I am awarding Mr. Peter Foster The Extraordinary Human Being Award….for illustrating a heroic and positive attitude amidst great adversity.

    God bless you!

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    Extraordinary Human Being Award Designed and Created by Paulette L Motzko, March 2015

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    Here is a wallpaper I found on Zedge I love that I give to you because I think you embody the DNA of all these wonderful qualities.

    80 countries read my blog after two years and I am disabled with an invisible neurological disorder called epilepsy.

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    SINCE I ALMOST DIED 5 times in my life….and am still here, I will always go up to a disabled person and say hello.

    My best friends have always been disabled. I didn’t choose them for that reason. ..they were GREAT human beings with integrity and courage.

    All those reading this -member to be kind to those who are different and always be grateful for what you have.

    MY FIRST FRIEND WAS CHERYL LIGHT CAP WHO WAS BLIND. SHE DIDN’T JUDGE ME.

    I DESCRIBED WHAT SHE COULDN’T SEE IN TECHNICOLOR DETAIL AND WAS HER EYES. She could feel the colors on my dress and was smart as a whip…..both of us.
    Join his blog and spread the word to be kind.
    I am so glad Mr. FOSTER HAD THE COURAGE TO COME FORWARD AND SHARE what he has been through. People like him have been given special gifts like an attitude that focuses on the good, the great and finds super-human endurance.

    Written by Paulette L Motzko
    Copyright March 2015
    5:15 a.m.

    Everyone Has a Story To Tell – Make Your Story An Extraordinary One by Paulette L. Motzko

    We All Have Our Story to Tell
    Written by Paulette Le Pore Motzko
    Copyright October 7th, 2014
    All Photography Quotes Created by
    Paulette Le Pore Motzko

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    In life we never know what we are getting and what kinds of blessings or tragedies may befall. You can only stack the deck in your favor so when the hand is played you come close to winning.

    If every one of you reading this sentence could realize that nobody on earth was dealt a perfect life, then maybe you won’t feel so isolated or sad, just knowing you are not the only one. Everybody on the bus every day I see has their own joys, family, friends and struggles. Just because you don’t know them, don’t fool yourself. Problems in life don’t omit anyone, no matter how much money you make. Often the richest people have the most screwed up lives. They have no idea what to do with all their money and have lost the ability to enjoy simple things. They spend their lives trying new drugs and paying for expensive thrills that leave them flat and uninspired.

    As a child who was disabled and went through a merry-go-round-of medicine for epilepsy before I got to the one that worked when I was fourteen-years-old.

    I learned big words and related to teachers better than my classmates who made fun of me because I was different. All the things I went through in my early years toughened me up to be a soldier of life and an ambassador of compassion and good will who can related to everyone with a cane, in a wheelchair and who strives each day to know health firsthand and independence.

    Even though in life you may have looked at hell in the eye like I did and been through moments where you nearly died; remember you made it out the other end.

    A visualization to picture your mind that I created after going through one of the worst year and a half of my life is:

    I can see myself walking through a huge hoop of fire and coming out the other end transformed, stronger, and smarter and where ingenuity is in my DNA. After helping my parents pay their house payment thrown the span of 15 years and being betrayed by my siblings I grew up with; it redefined my existence.

    We were once a good family, not a perfect family, but we were never an apathetic, hate filled family. There was so much negative dynamics going on between my older siblings and that no matter if my mother needed help, if I could have done over again, I would have looked out for number one and that is all, and got the hell out of there. I can see that in retrospect and wish I would done that, but if I had mom wouldn’t have anyone who gave a damn and she wouldn’t be in the senior home she is now.

    The things you learn in life gaining wisdom are vast.

    What have you learned in life?

    Are there lessons you can pass on to others?

    What is a lesson you learned that you can pass on to another to make their path smoother, watching out for rocks and boulders?

    You see, when you do without you learn to compromise. You learn how to substitute and you truly get to know what it is like to live on a bargain basement existence that only those who frequent places like The 99 Cents Store, Dollar General remembering numerous times since moving to Nevada and having my SSI cut by $150 a month-times when I couldn’t afford anything in the dollar store!

    What I do know out of the tragic and almost mind boggling callous and low class way I was treated in the end of making great sacrifices for my mom and financially helping my dad by living on the duplex he was still making payments on after 2001. I learned that there are people who look like a human being but are missing a soul and a conscious; my siblings fit that description. I only hope that they regret it one day. I know I did the best I could in spite of going through adversity myself. In other words, we are only responsible for ourselves and there comes a point where all the talking in the world isn’t going to change things.

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    Move on. Look back and accept what you did and embrace the choices you made.

    Just because you were betrayed doesn’t mean you have betray someone else. Just because you were hit, doesn’t mean you have to hit someone else. Someone else’s cold heart doesn’t have to be yours and shouldn’t be yours.

    Why the Lord allows good people to go through hell none of us will know, especially when their hearts and souls are good.

    In life what matters most is for you to not focus on the dark aspects or “shadows” in your life. Look at the “bright spots” that sparkle like Orion on a clear night in the desert. Keep the friends who have become family; they are your new family.

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    Just because you are related to someone doesn’t give them the right to be in your life. To have the right someone has to treat you with dignity and respect. If those elements are missing, then you really don’t need the person in your life.

    Remember, every negative person drags you down. Every positive person lifts you and your spirits up.
    You want to be dragged down to the nether world, or do you want to keep people around you who also set their aspirations on high and noble things. Forget the rest.
    I pray to meet people who are kind, caring, compassionate who care about the world around them and who care about children, the environment and the world issues.
    Here is a cool visual for you: I also pray to NOT MEET negative, pessimistic people and to avoid or REPEL people with rotten intentions people just like water droplets on Vaseline.
    What story will you retell people?

    Will it be a triumphant one? A Courageous One? An Extraordinary One?

    Make the things you say be as amazing as yourself, because the spoken word is what people will remember about you.

    Do you want to be a mina bird of the same, sad story or do you want to force yourself to grow, find the wisdom in your pain and to help people they are not alone.

    If pain and suffering has to be, let it be transformed to bring someone up from their aloneness.
    I hope this 1,534 word story does just that. Come out of your cave and light the light and let it shine on only the good and the great. No matter what your faith, don’t lose hope and never quit believing the good and just win. And even if they don’t “win” they show everybody in the world how they can! After all, people are only winners or losers in their minds. What you think you are you will be.
    I hope every word changes your minds, and transforms your spirit and helps you think about the experiences you have gone through and how you carry them around.
    Troubles can be on your shoulders like lead weights or you can problem solve, pray and meditate and gain insight. To do that you need solitude and uninterrupted time so you can think. When was the last time you gave yourself that gift? It is through self-introspection that you grow and transform into something greater.
    Learn to journal and write every day your innermost feelings. At first at will feel awkward doing it, but it will come more naturally with time. In time you will look forward to it. Make it a minimum of 30 minutes. Go to a library where you can be guaranteed to not be bothered and where it is quiet enough you can hear yourself think. Preferably have nobody see it but you and God and your soul.
    In your first journal book entry: make a list of all the things you are thankful for this moment.
    Now make a list of things you need to work on to be happier and feel better.
    Number them and create a plan of action.
    Make the most of what you have now. If you want more, work for it all and enjoy what you have NOW. This time will never come again. When you are 85 ladies you will think you look like pretty hot now! Hey guys, tell your mom and dad you love them, they won’t be around forever. I am reminded that our time on this extraordinary earth is limited. Make the most of your travels here.

    It is only then that you can take what were problems and setbacks and throw them in the sea and watch the seagulls take them away to the wild blue.
    Put some beautiful and inspiring music on iheart.com radio or Pandora.com and get in touch with who you really are. When you do that, you will find you have way more going for you but you just overlooked what you were given.

    Written with love to the world.

    Paulette Le Pore Motzko

    October 7th, 2014
    5:15 p.m.

    Wonder by R.J. Palacios

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    I was browsing the bestsellers at Barnes & Noble… (One of my favorite past times).

    I spotted “Wonder” by R.j. Palacio’s award winning first attempt at a fiction novel, which turned out to be fabulous. The more I read about what the book is about, the more I wanted to read.

    It is a story of courage about a young boy with a facial deformity who longs to be treated like the other kids and who longs to be accepted for who he is inside.

    Life Lessons or (These Things Shouldn’t Have Happened) by Paulette Le Pore Motzko

    The Lessons of My Life

    Written by Paulette Le Pore Motzko

    Copyright December 14th, 15th, 2013

    As I was sitting at the bus stop waiting for the bus that never came….I was thinking about the many events of this past week-some turbulent and some disappointing and then the things that worked out great that I was responsible for-which are always great.

    In life there are times when what we envision is not what it turns out to be. In my case mine is a tragic story that I am determined to make a happy ending.

    Let me set the scene for you: It is 2010 and I am recently divorced after a marriage to a real rocket scientist for 15 years. I graduated with honors in a Master’s Certification program in 1997 a few years before with a Master’s Certification in Voluntary Leadership. I was a presenter at The Summit Meeting that year as the CEO and Founder of The Epilepsy Connection. It was one of the high points in my life “proving a lady who is disabled with epilepsy could do the work” as Dick Cheshire had put it when he let me in the program and said I had the Life Experience for the program. At the beginning of the program I told the class of 50 people that “a friend of mine had epilepsy and the subject has always been near and dear to my heart and I knew I could help others who had it.” I did a PowerPoint Presentation with transparencies on an overhead projector that my now ex-husband Mark helped me with, answering what epilepsy was and was not, and explaining in human terms that anyone at any age could acquire it.

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    Once the presentation was over and I had answered everybody’s questions I told them that “oh by the way, the friend of mine was me!” People looked shocked at me and many stopped in their tracks and others came up to me with tears in their eyes and gave me the once over with their eyes and then smiled and said to me-“I never would have known!” I was so happy as that is just what I was shooting for. I didn’t tell anyone beforehand because I didn’t anyone having any preconceived notions about me or any biases and I thought it would best illustrate that anyone with epilepsy can do anything by being the prime example.

    Another high point of my life was when I lived in Sandy, UT and times were great, not just good.

    It was 1986 and I was just married, graduated with my AA in Piano Pedagogy and was building piano students and teaching all the Mormon kids on the block. One wonderful lady who went by the nick name of Friendly Robertson who was years young. She wanted to teach her how to play Chopin Nocturnes in a legato manner. I still have a handwritten book she gave me that with poems she wrote and songs she gave me in my piano bench.  The best memory of my piano teaching days-that lasted 20 years-was when I got a call from Golden West College who asked if they could give my number to The Deaf Children’s Athletic Association. They asked me if I could teach two acutely deaf children piano. I had no idea if I could by the way. I asked how if they had residual hearing-and they did, and each wore two hearing aids to magnify what hearing they had. Justin and Adrienne Chang were their names and they were Japanese prodigies. Their father’s dream was to see their children play songs at a recital. I made that dream and my dream come true. At a recital in Riverdale, Utah they each played 3 songs a piece that I had taught them by signing everything I said to them and also signing the concept of what I said and “turning the audible to visual”….

    Seeing someone’s inherent abilities and talents is something I have always been good at, but then my mom was always doing that with me. It is like I can see someone’s inherent abilities lying dormant in their soul, much like the tulip bulbs I planted in Sandy, Utah when I lived there.

    I learned in life that some things you only get to enjoy for a while-be it many years or for decades and then they fade like the geraniums mom used to grow needing to be deadheaded of their brown leaves…

    Other facets of my life are and will always be the same, like my mother Ramona Lea. She is still my best friend, my cheerleader and a smart, sweet lady, who though she has Alzheimer’s disease, will guarantee to light up a room with her smile and win over even the dullest of personalities. I saw her paint smiles on people’s faces in The World Market. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wish her the best and that I don’t want the best for her and pray she always remembers me and that the disease doesn’t take my mother away. She inspired me to create “Ramona’s Alzheimer’s Disease Daily” that has about 40 new sources on it with subject like neurology, neuroscience, memory, prevention, caregivers and dementia.

    Back to The Lesson of My Life-

    After my divorce in 2001 I opted to move back in the duplex I had lived in when I was 24 years old, when my dad bought it because he thought the second house would make a nice rental for me. It did just that for the most part and I got rent and I paid most of the mortgage on their house.

    I would have never believed that the same family that I grew up with had the ability to make such rash and callous decisions about my mother’s life and mine.

    But they did.

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    One of the expensive recliners belonging to my parents Bunker and the gang hacked with an ax because they were too lazy and stupid to sell them and give the money to mom Ramona Le Pore. Sooooo sad!

    I cried for weeks after seeing the mass destruction on what Mike Bunker, Brenda Bunker, Michael Le Pore and Robert Le Pore allowed to happen.

    Mike Bunker and my brother Mike hacked up with an ax an oak rocking chair I bought mom for mother’s day! I am related to crazy people!

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    Mom’s things in her beautiful house thrown all around the sides of it!

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    My side of the duplex bought in 1984 and sold my Mike Bunker in June of 2013 for $460,000.
    I paid approx $50,000 in rent during that 13 year period.

    Hey lawyers…help me here. I know I am entitled to something here.

    I would have never believed that they had could take mom from the property as though they abducted her from her own domicile, forcing me to file a missing person’s report. But they did have the audacity.

    But the shocked me.

    They betrayed me-and I have thought long and hard about the actions of my other siblings, and how their hypocritical actions over the last 5 years illustrates how apathetic and what small human beings they really are.

    Mom, who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease is a victim of elder abuse just as I was and still am. I am not a senior yet, being 3 years short of being classified a “senior” by the state of CA. I am therefore excluded from countless senior programs that would help me.

    I did not create my family but they had the same foundation as I did, but their ideologies and beliefs were distorted over time. I did not change who I was and the strongholds of my belief system I have held onto with an iron-clad grip: integrity, honesty, passion and courage.

    Some have it all and don’t even tap into the reserves and talents they were given. Others like myself, defied the odds and though diagnosed with epilepsy went on and was successful as a piano teacher.

    I would be a piano teacher now if my upright grand wasn’t in storage! Being on ssi I am entitled to earn money and still collect it, to a certain point. I made $200 per student a month or $50 an hour. I taught nearly every kid in Sandy, Utah by them merely seeing the piano being rolled in our living room. The usual questions were:

    1. Do you play piano?
    2. Do you teach
    3. How much do you charge?
    4. I have —- kids and when can we start?

    Then the cycle begins and their kids will learn how to play a song within a week, learn how to read sheet music, stage, ear training and theory plus presence, confidence etc.
    With my piano in storage it is like having my hands tied behind my back! I have lost income and gained stress culminating with a diagnosis of PTSD!

    Do I use the state of CA for stress and my diagnosis of PTSD, a year of hell, money that I used to have paid on hotels because with only $886 a month in ssi, all the greedy people who rent rooms in southern CA want $600 to $800 to live in their bedrooms? That leaves me with not enough to pay my phone bill and internet and storage bills.

    I put an ad on supershopper.org and Craig’s List to exchange one of the many valid services for a room in a non smoking household where I could cook and clean for a family. No worthwhile responses only 3 men ages 25, 48 and 50 who wanted casual sex for a place to live of which I said NO.

    I told the 25 year old, who had a girl friend, to look up the word integrity and STDs.

    It is a sad state of affairs that you have to be diagnosed with something like depression or PTSD before programs and housing programs open up for you!

    I went to Huntington Beach Hospital last night and took myself via bus. I couldn’t find any of my friends that would either answer their phones or who would even answer a text back! That did not impress me, by the way!

    I made it down there because I suspected that something was terribly wrong with me, and I was 100% right. Like all my assumptions, after doing research on the topic, I am usually 99% correct. I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder by the doctor that talked to me for the longest time.

    I asked him to shut the door and then just told him the key points that had happened to me over the last year. He told me that I was amazingly strong and I should be proud of everything I had been through.

    I was stressed out and felt as though the stress was accumulating like the water on top of a – cooler in my bathroom in Utah-that eventually caused the ceiling to tumble down when my now-ex-husband and I went to dinner. We went out to dinner and when we came home water was coming down from the smoke detector like a waterfall-just missing my upright grand piano! The most amazing part of the ceiling blowing out and falling down because Mark didn’t turn the swamp cooler off for the winter-was that in the Victorian bathroom, the ceiling fell down to the rafters and all the bisque porcelain figurines in there were not broken, and a pair of antique bisque praying hands were standing up in the bath tub straight up!

    I resent that after doing everything right and choosing NOT to smoke or drink or do drugs all my life that there are no support services available for someone like myself.

    I want to be the first intelligent white lady with no kids who refused to be treated like a second class citizen because I knew what birth control was and the real facts of life at 9 years old. (I grew up early and wanted real answers and not the stork story!)
    More women should be responsible and accountable for their actions where sex and birth control are concerned. There are far too many illegitamate kids being “raised” without fathers to mothers who are 16 years old.
    It has become quite a scam having kids to “get the $800 a month” per kid. I was told by countless social workers at the Garden Grove Medical and Food Stamp office to “get a kid and you will get $100!” I love kids, couldn’t have kids for medical reasons-epilepsy- but thought of adopting when I was married but we thought the $20,000 fees were outrageous..so we didn’t.

    All the housing programs go to families first and I am not a family, so I am disregarded as though invisible.

    I am not envisible or non-existant.

    They should put a sign on the front of the Medical office and welfare office that reads: “if you are single or divorced and you don’t have a child we don’t care about you, your life and how you survive financially.” That is the truth.

    It took me 7 years to get Medical at the Garden Grove office. When my new medicines Vimpat $20 a pill and Tegretol over $300 a month were forcing me to sell things to afford it, I put two and two together and realized all the people who turned me down were Vietnamese with the last name Nguyen. I had been told a bogus statement that I needed a kid to get medical, which was false. I threatened to sue all the parties personally for FRAUD to the director of the director and got the director named Barbara to fax my information to Sacramento labeled URGENT and had my medicine paid for $100 in a week.

    Why this fight though?

    Racial discimination against white people exists in Orange County, especially in Garden Grove and Little Saigon.
    I am American and among the things I want to do is to crack down on this kind of abuse. An article was in the Walls Street Journal last year how in Vietnam they brag how they take advantage and abuse our welfare system in the USA.

    I don’t hate Vietnamese people but I hate racist people and I am the victim of a hate crime that gave preferential treatment to the Vietnamese. I was told in Garden Grove by over 20 Vietnamese they “didn’t want a white piano teacher!” When I heard that I was appauled and shocked and outraged, as I still am now.

    I became a displaced worker because of their hatred and bias and stupidity and would probably still have an income stream. I do writing, marketing and photography now with CARestaurantShowCase.com and do what I can.

    Our house was a beautiful six bedroom Cape Cod style house with dormer windows and 3 bathrooms. The place was so big that we had my sister and her husband and three kids over and rented beds for all of them. I had a regular bed and breakfast and at that time they were normal and nice people and didn’t have a bad or malicious streak at all. That was to come later down the line when I divorced. Their care for me was in direct proportion to how much money I made a year. My best friends and when I lovingly invited them all to massive parties where I wanted to create memories –not just dinner parties. I did. And though they all have selective memory now, remembering only what they want to-it happened.

    In time the bathroom was rebuilt and it after builders came and remodeled, you would have never known anything happened. Thank heaven we had good insurance with State Farm!

    How can someone change like a chameleon that magnifies the colors of its surroundings? A counselor can ask them for years what did it-jealousy, envy or just caring more about money and making a quick profit than to mom’s feelings or mine. I think that was it.

    I have no idea where I am going with this story here, but it makes me feel better writing it. Once a person becomes an adult at 18 years of age it is their choice who they keep in their life.

    When I was moving, I thought and then rethought again everything I wrapped up in a box. I got so tired of packing and it amazed me how much “stuff” I had collected over my 52 years young!

    I had read a book on simplifying your life and scaling down what I owned before I made the move to prepare me to take only what I loved and what made me smile when I looked at it. Ask yourself if you love it enough to dust it. You might be surprised what your answers are.

    That is the same motto I take to the people in my life. Do they make you smile? Do they bring you up? Support your dreams? If you answer “yes” to all those questions, then you have a keeper there. If you answered one “no” then you better rethink how that person fits into your life.

    If you have people in your life that have withered and turned into people who are abusive and tear you down, then if you have tried discussing with them the problems but nothing seems to work, then remove them from you life. You will suffer if you don’t.

    After 1653 words were typed I am going to sign off and leave you with these words of wisdom. Think about what you would like to hear when you say something to someone else.

    Everybody please pray that Paulette Le Pore Motzko gets the housing voucher she needs to afford a nice place of her own here in CA. Also, if you want to write a congressman or influential person in CA to put pressure on them, be my guest! The most who speak out about something, the more likely things will CHANGE. Also, go beyond me and write your local congressmen and women to add more funding to the Urban Housing Authority’s HUD Housing Program so more vouchers can be created. A ten year wait is a joke and an insult to the intelligence of every person on SSI and SSDI. We don’t want to see displaced disabled people at the bus stops and trying to take care of themselves, along with veterans, who are in the same “boat”, if you will.

    I learned to take care of yourself first and make sure you are alright and have what you need, and then you will be more apt to have strength reserves to take care of everybody else.

    Write you congressmen and women and contact The Urban Housing Authority in the State of CA in Sacramento, and in The Urban Housing Authority in the largest city in your state. Write and tell what you see in the streets, get involved and watch your efforts blossom into better lives for all people.

    For now until today at least until this morning, for a week I was staying at The Super 8 Hotel in Westminster, CA which for he money at $65 a night is one o the nicest, cleanest places around-if you have to “live in a hotel” and can’t afford Residence Inn-with full kitchens, like Boeing used to pay for when I was married.

    The way things change is to SHOW THE TRUTH and MAKE PEOPLE CARE.

    I took photos of my hotel room and intended on creating  story that would include and show how I was living since evicted in April 2012 by Mike Bunker.

    He needs someone to cultivate a moral conscious and explain why what he did was wrong and still is wrong, since he has cut all communication between mom and I for a year.

    Thank you Ron Bittelari for sending me the money to make staying here possible. You are even more generous and caring than my ex was.

    I have the most kind caring friends.

    Do you know anyone who also has been working on getting subsidized housing?

    What is your story?

    We can team up and work together to put pressure on our leaders who keep saying with a blank expression “there is a 10 year wait for more housing vouchers.” What are we supposed to do until then?

    If you make too much $ then you risk losing medical. Silly rules, if you ask me.

    There is a song by Kelly Clarkson called “Stronger” that is my mantra and perfectly describes me and what God has felt it necessary for me to go through along with the poor social workers, welfare programs and lies told to me by Vietnamese workers in both the Garden Grove Medical office and social security offices.

    If you are caucasion on ssi or ssdi, on medical or are trying to get one of those benefits, what would you think if I told you I was lied to 100% of the time by 100% of the Vietnamese in the welfare system? I was.

    It happened.

    That is not a racial comment as I still have Vietnamese friends who admit the abuse goes on but they speak English and know many put them in a bad light.

    For those on ssi and ssdi or medical be leary and be alert. I personally now, after being lied to, suffering, doing without and living a substandard existence because of false information given by Vietnamese people now will not allow them to wait on me.

    I was married to a rocket scientist for 15 years and I use logic. I try to increase the odds of being successful to 100% in everything I do. If you know something hasn’t worked, then don’t do it again. If you know that by doing something else, it increases your odds of accomplishing something, by all means do it.

    People get upset when I say this, but it is fact. Abuse happens until it happens with me, then it stops for good and I also set mendates so it never happens again.

    I would reccomend going to the Santa Ana Social Security office because they have a wide demographic of all people-Mexican, Filipino, Japanese, Vietnamese, Caucasion. It was refreshing. In one day the underpayment of $400 a month that the Garden Grove office did to me for SSI was increased $200 in one day. Then by going every week, not letting up, until I saw every director there…it is now $886 a month. I refused to let Vietnamese wait on me and by asking for another caucasion person I never had to worry about a hate crime.

    If people are racist they shouldn’t be allowed to work at the social security office or any other place that is supposed to treat everyone the same.

    We should employ a questionnaire to people coming over from other countries asking them what they are BRINGING to the UNITED STATES and why they are coming. Also a charcter assessment should be given to screen out racists and white haters. Nobody wants to talk about it but that just eneded as I type this sentence.

    I am talking to the law dept at Chapman University where I graduated, and I will get representation to sue and get monetary compensation, sue for fraud, the people, who I know by name.

    It is the principal here.

    I believe everybody is the same and just with others felt the same way.

    Once we clean up the fraud and what I believe is the Vietnamese are purposely turning white people down for benefits to bring more of their own kind in.
    I talk to people.
    I am observant and see who is going out with something and act like a reporter & journalist asking others and find similar stories. I am the only one that will underveil the abuse and stop it once and for all. Every American, white, single lady I have talked to had the same horror stories as me.

    Yet I talked to a Mexican family, not even American citizens, who received Medical, Food Stamps and money to live per month in 20 minutes!!!

    What do you call that?

    On the application they ask if you are Latino. I refused to say because I said, does that mean I get the benefits if I am?

    This kind of nonsence goes on in America and it is wrong and against my civil rights.

    I want a news station to go in to both offices and see what they find. I bet my assumptions are correct.

    I know I am talking about three things in this post:
    My life
    My background, intelligence, education, hud housing, vouchers
    Ssi, ssdi
    Racism
    Hate crimes
    Preferential treatment to Latinos, Asians, Families, Women with kids from many fathers
    No help for people who tried to do things right
    Racial profiling on ssi and medical and food stamps apps
    American citizens are given the backseat to needed programs helping disabled survive
    Subsidized housing going hand in hand with ssi ssdi

    Increasing funding for subsidized housing
    Lowering the epidemic proportions of sad displaced disabled people like myself

    Paulette Le Pore Motzko
    December 16, 2013

    Happy birthday Brenda-Paulette’s sister who helped make her homeless in April 2013.

    I have no idea how my oldest sister Brenda Bunker and her poor excuse of a husband can sleep at night with what they did. Some have a conscious and others don’t. Some have souls and some do not.

    Bunker was unfortunately made power of attorney by my demented father who is dead, assigning care of my mother and all his personal assetts, along with the house I paid on for 13 years.

    I need a good, hard hitting attorney to make this right and have a good ending. One who cares about elder abuse and disabled people. Since mom didn’t know what she was signing and dad didn’t realize he was giving power to a man who would abuse the power given.

    My goals:

    Remove Mike Bunker from power of attorney
    Assign someone to manage my mother’s funds and medical other than me. I need to take care of myself and that is all.
    I already made enough sacrifices in my life

    Get a house or apartment on some kind of subsidized housing plan in a safe area, since I do not drive.

    Sue Mike Bunker for harrassment, stress and going to the hospital numerous times with breakthrough seizures.

    I would be seizure free with a place I can call HOME again.
    With all the money I saved the state for the 13 years I helped pay my parent’s mortgage, made meals for them etc I feel the state of CA owes me! Especially since I had 0 income during the time I was wrongly turned down for medical and social security after my divorce in 2001.

    photos will be added later today when I go to a place with wifi. My Verizon Jetpack is maxed out of time so I am writing this via my Android MyTouch phone.

    2:02 p.m.
    December 16th, 2013

    I want to air this on a major news station or in The Orange County Register. Good things will happen as a result of it. I know it.

    Paulette Motzko Needs A Room in A Home-She Will Cook & Help with Housework

    http://totallyinspiredpc.wordpress.com/2013/10/31/3015/

    The first time I was nominated for The Most Versatile Blogger Award was on October 31st, of this year 2013 and was just nominated again yesterday by another fellow blogger that goes by amintiridinbucatarie at amintiridinbucatarie.wordpress.com.
    Thank you again to my fellow readers and bloggers.

    Me at year ago in my old kitchen I lived in for 13 years and what was my parent's place-sold for $460,000. Need a hard hitting lawyer to make sure Bunker didn't spend it all! He is the guy that evicted me and threw mom's things in a dumpster! I have filed more than my share of complaints with Adult Protective Services. Such a tragic thing-what they did to mom and I.

    Me at year ago in my old kitchen I lived in for 13 years and what was my parent’s place-sold for $460,000. Need a hard hitting lawyer to make sure Bunker didn’t spend it all! He is the guy that evicted me and threw mom’s things in a dumpster! I have filed more than my share of complaints with Adult Protective Services. Such a tragic thing-what they did to mom and I.


    versatile-blogger-award

    I answered all the many questions about myself and nominated my choices for which blogs I felt worthy of the same award.

    I still have to accept and nominate for The Most Influential Blogger Award, and I forget who nominated me! Sorry folks, but I have been really busy leading the most tumultuous part in my life in history. That award means the most to me because it means that my words meant something to a lot of people and not only got them thinking but acting in new ways.

    All of these awards and the 73 countries who have been reading this site on a monthly basis-didn’t know these things were going on, but they are. The readership doubled on this site in the last two months. It makes me elated that I managed to do it all.

    I met a nice lady who was a nurse with her two children at Arby’s this week. We had so much in common and she said two words to me- very simply said “Stay Sweet”. I am so happy that people still perceive me to be “sweet’. I didn’t let all the apathy and callousness regarding my mother and I jade me and I will always think that most people are inherently good-if you are good to them.

    It is eight months to date since I was callously evicted from my mother’s place (that I chose to live in 13 years ago helping my parents pay their house payment while I  had a place to live in the massive duplex they owned in Garden Grove, CA. That ended in April 2013 when my brother-in-law Mike Bunker-made power of attorney by my dad-which was a royal mistake-and my mother-evicted me. I have been in and out of two star hotels, trying to afford expensive southern CA rent, which is impossible with no room mate.

    Dinner for my friend Ron B. from MA. Table set with homemade stew a promo for Cooking Up a Storm All Over The World! my first blog. CookingUpaStorminCA.ning.com

    Dinner for my friend Ron B. from MA. Table set with homemade stew a promo for Cooking Up a Storm All Over The World! my first blog. CookingUpaStorminCA.ning.com

    I am eligible for HUD housing but women with kids get priority and I am treated as though I am not alive. (I am not done fighting on this matter to change this fact. I wish I didn’t have to be the only one fighting, since it affects more than myself.)

    Of course I am alive and searching day by day to find a family to live with and cook for the family in exchange for a nice, clean safe non-smoking environment I can live in and relax and take care of myself. It will be easy to get ahead when I don’t feel like I have a shot gun to my head rushing around or else I will be out on the street when the money runs out for the hotel I am writing this from!

    It is a hell of a way to live and if you would have told me that I would be doing this, when my family once had morals, values and stuck together, I would have never believed you. I am in charge of me-and that is it. That is what I learned out of all this. I am not sure why I have to go through so much and endure so many tragic things in my life, but I will be glad when I have a place to call home. I am working to make more and more money but it is going out the door as fast as I get it.

    I have been looking on Craig’s List for Orange County but everybody in CA is greedy and wants $800 to rent a lousy bedroom. In New Mexico you can get a two bedroom two bathroom place for $700 with full amenities! about less than half of what it takes here in Expensive-Ville.

    I met a really nice lady today and helped her grand daughter who has ALS find resources and will be posting the story about her and the way to help the family pay for all the medical care for her. I met her at Staples where I do work all the time and noticed her having printed signs with a pretty little girl on them and wanted to know more. The story about her will air as soon as I can get a photo of her. I also emailed the director of ALSA, an association that helps people with ALS and found a clinic for her and her family.  All these things are possible because I could and I simply did. I wish more people had that kind of attitude.

    My nanny used to say, “What goes around comes around”, and I hope that some of the great things I did in my life, that I never got paid for or recognition for, come back my way and someone helps me now.

    Whatever God you pray to, Christian, Native American Indian, Jewish or Buddhist-pray that I find a place to stay soon and better yet, if you know someone who either has a room I can stay in-in exchange for helping with cooking and housework and helping with the kids-let me know.

    If you know a person who has been looking for someone who is stable mentally and financially-and who is a good cook and has a good sense of humor and a positive attitude, let me know. I want to sign a year or better yet more-lease. 3 vaults of my life that I pay on each month have been in storage since April and I would rather sit at my desk again in my office chair, cook in my gourmet kitchen and read the many books in my library. Make it so God and let this struggle end

    Christmas is only weeks away and here I am watching cable TV-first I have seen of it in months, in a hotel I call home with no kitchen but a microwave, fridge, freezer in safe area. It is $70 a day that could go towards a month in a room in a house.There are cheaper two star hotels that are highly unsafe and dangerous and I have stayed in them but my blood pressure was elevated and I never got any sleep and when I heard a guy beating up a woman in the room next to me, I swore to God I would do everything humanly possible to find the best deal and find a way to pay the higher price in better hotels.

    I didn’t know when I wrote about The Most Versatile Blogger Award this would come out but it did. Probably for the best.

    I know I am special because have been going through all this without mentioning it to the world. I do know in one heart beat I help others and get such a great joy and high out of it.

    Imagine what kind of things I could write and do if only I had one stable nice place to live with no worry?

    The possibilities are endless!

    Paulette Le Pore Motzko

    Email me any leads or connections you may have at Paulette_Motzko@yahoo.com.

    Put in the subject box: Room For Paulette Motzko-Hope For The Future

    Please no ads folks. I get 1000’s of emails.

    I wasn’t born to live in a hotel and need a home to live in because I am disabled with epilepsy. I also am too nice and too kind to have the guy I was living with hit me, but he did…which is what brought me to this hotel.
    I have just kept myself absorbed in my work, in what matters and relentlessly contacting congress people and talking face to face with every friend I know on Facebook and elsewhere-and realizing that people, when you go through hell-with totally flaberghast you!

    One friend, that I thought was a friend at least-heard about me in the hotel, the guy hitting me etc., things that would have at least got an “Are You OK?” …or something showing that you have a heart and soul and a pulse-got nothing. Just talk of sugar cookies and setting her opulent table with gold baubles on hanging everywhere. I am not jealous because I have all that “stuff” in storage waiting to come out and be united with me.
    I call myself DISPLACED AND NOT REALLY HOMELESS. I CAN PAY $500 TOWARDS RENT COME JANUARY FOR ANONE WHO LIVES IN ORANGE COUNTY AND I CAN FURNISH THE PLACE FOR A CLEAN, MATURE, SENSIBLE PERSON WHO IS STABLE MENTALLY AND FINANCIALLY-WHO DRIVES AND DOESN’T SMOKE.

    Since I am in a position where I have the whole world, or at least 73 countries reading what I write on a monthly basis, I am using this podium to get ACTION-for me.

    My future means a lot to me and I tried to do everything right.
    I am the only kid who got any college degree, let alone two.
    I know that my best years are still yet to come and once I am settled in a place I can move onward and put the ugly past behind me. That is what I need and crave is closure.

    Does anyone know a social worker in Orange County who can pull some strings for me and get me the benefits and help me live to the fullest of my ability?

    Any information would be beneficial here and it is all appreciated.

    If you read to the end of this sentence, you are better more precious to me than gold-but are like platinum because you care about what I write and you care about allowing the lady who writes the words you read to live the best life she is able within her abilities.

    That is really all you can do in life.
    All I want for Christmas is the hope of a nice place to live and know I can build my future and to know I can see my mother Ramona any time I want for as long as I live. She is the only living family member that is worth anything and without her, I wouldn’t be the person I am with the talents I possess reaching out to the people I do.

    For my mother to see-Ramona Lea Le Pore

    Thanks Mom. I PICTURE YOU AND THINK OF YOU OFTEN AND THERE ISN’T A DAY THAT GOES BY THAT I DON’T PRAY YOU ARE ALRIGHT AND THAT YOU THRIVE IN SPITE OF THE HATRED MY SISTER BRENDA SPEWS MY WAY BY NOT LETTING YOU KNOW I CALLED or GIVING YOU THE PHONE.

    We are close and will always remain close and nobody will ever stop that. I will always keep my word and make you proud and the philosophy you gave me about “putting my mind to do anything I wanted has paid off”. People read what I write all over the world now on 9 web sites and I constantly mentor young kids I run into. It is all because of you mom and your kind and gentle spirit.

    I got you something for Christmas-here and you will love it. I will make it to see you and sorry I couldn’t see you for Thanksgiving, but that was due to Bunker who erases every call I put in. He is a walking ball of hatred and a horrible human being who I hope realizes the damage he did to you and I and pays for it the rest of this life-if even in his conscious.

    Mom and I at The Bella Terra Mall when I dressed her up and took her all around to meet the many people I know there-business people etc. Mom has a magic about her. I saw people smile that day at Whole Foods Market who never smiled in their life. When we went to dinner, Starbucks- I remember it like yesterday and mom's memory is way better than people give her credit for. I want to have more times like it.

    Mom and I at The Bella Terra Mall when I dressed her up and took her all around to meet the many people I know there-business people etc. Mom has a magic about her. I saw people smile that day at Whole Foods Market who never smiled in their life. When we went to dinner, Starbucks- I remember it like yesterday and mom’s memory is way better than people give her credit for. I want to have more times like it.

    “You have been on my mind and in my heart all year long. I couldn’t see you or talk to you because I was struggling in some of the most dangerous cities nearly on the street at times. Just like the Kelly Clarkson song “What doesn’t kill ya makes you stronger”, well it did and I went through the ring of fire looking back on the rubble behind me. I was strong to begin with though.”

    I have friends who are going to help me get to Marino Valley where you live and even though Bunker and Brenda ban all the calls that come through and pretend I don’t exist-I do and have never forgotten about you one bit. It has been one year since I have seen or talked to my mom-and I used to see her 3 times a day, making meals for her-because I could and I wanted to.

    Paulette Le Pore Motzko
    3:40 a.m.

    I require 8 or more hours sleep and need a private room I can take care of myself in-my medicine that keeps me alive and writing this.

    Also, if any of you know any political figures I can contact-let me know or anyone who would change my situation if they only knew. I call people like that Change Catalysts. I am one of those and am hoping I can find one for me now.

    Paulette Le Pore Motzko

    December 8th, 2013

    2:48 a.m.

    Paulette_Motzko@yahoo.com
    TotallyInspiredPC@gmail.com

    The John Stewart Company unfairly declined my application

    Let me set the scene for you:

    Here it is last night about 7 p.m. and I am drinking some Jasmine Pearl Tea at Peet’s Coffee & Tea. I get 3 emails from Vanessa and one from Ms. Horn the VP of The John Stuart Company stating after being told I was chosen for this place out of thousands in Orange County, giving up my dog Lucky, incurring storage and hotels just to enable to stay wait for my place to be done being built.

    I passed the credit &  background checks weeks ago and saw the place. It was more than an apartment, but supposed to be a way to enable disabled people to live better quality lives.
    It turned into a nightmare.

    After being told two times the project was taking 3 months longer than anticipated, I have been in more Motel 6’s than I want to admit to, had my $1000 laptop and $300 Jetpack 4G portable router stolen and am now friends with the president of Uhaul who has made sure I didn’t lose everything in storage vaults!

    I made a choice to wait for this place as an investment in my life quality, never thinking it would drag out this long or have such a horrid ending!

    It ain’t over yet though.

    I contacted one of the story writers for The Orange County Register and he is considering doing a story about it.

    I hope he does. Just because people are disable doesn’t mean they should be treated like garbage.

    I was told in the pdf file by the VP of The John Stewart Company my application was being denied because I used profanity….well I asked for a move in date and they left it open ended, making me feel like the whole charade could go on to infinitum. I wouldn’t allow that.

    The things I earn money with are in the storage vault…desk office chairs & my upright grand piano.

    Had I moved to Arizona, like I was planning the last week of March 2013, I would be moved in, building piano students etc.

    CA was and always will be my first choice to live…my mom lives here, my friends who are my extended family.

    What was the rent on The Vista del Rio in Santa Ana? $444 a month, free wifi, and Good Will Industries would have helped me with grocery shopping, since I don’t drive any more (after my near fatal car accident 15 years ago having a seizure behind the wheel!)

    I just want peace and wish I would find people who know the meaning of the word INTEGRITY, FAIRNESS and who have a CONSCIOUS. The John Stewart Company possess none of those qualities.

    What should I do?

    Paulette Motzko

    Unexpected Pleasures in the Middle of Late Afternoon

    May 17th 2013

    Unexpected Pleasures in the Middle of Late Afternoon…

    I thought I was going to do work today at one of my favorite shopping, eating, networking and writing places-The Whole Foods Market at Bella Terra. I walked through the door and heard some jazz music playing and I knew it wasn’t played over the speakers but was coming from the far corner by a wonderful jazz vocalist Maria Schafer and a jazz bassist, drummer and electric guitar…..I realized that this was one of the those days where there would be a major change in plans. I knew I needed some JOY in my LIFE and told a friend I hadn’t don’t anything enjoyable in a month. I think this is what the doctor ordered…..just allowing a little time for some jazzy syncopation and seeing the expressions on people’s faces as they walk through the door.

    It is wonderful to do what you love for a living. That is what they do with every song they sing. When I walked up and talked to them to ask what the name of their band was, I said they should turn her voice up.

    What have you done lately that gave you joy?

    What happened to you that made you want to immediately change your plans and know your plan change was the better choice?

    I was on the phone with attorneys all day-or so it felt like it, trying to put the pressure on The John Stewart Company to give me the one bedroom place they promised me months ago, providing I clean up my credit which I did a month ago. Meanwhile I have been building hotel bills and storage costs and that was not the intent.

    I know that with what I did today justice will be served and I will get my place and The John Stewart Company will realize that they should finish what they begin and that FRAUD is a serious crime.

    I looked in the corner and saw a friend of mine named Peter in the corner with a smile as big as mine, who is a piano teacher. I met him I think when the Grammy awards were on here and we were both eating sitting next to each other.

    That is the cool thing about this place, because interesting, intelligent and kind people come here. Does that mean that I am those things then? I guess so.

    It is a few minutes till 7 p.m. on Friday night May 17th, 2013

    I would love to go out with a nice guy and continue going out with a nice guy and repeat until infinitum, but instead a goofball I met the other day left a voicemail on my phone accusing me of something I never did. Why on earth Lord do you allow me to meet weirdoes with psycho issues? Do me a favor and allow me to not hear from him again. He changes personalities like he changes his underwear.

    Due to the things I have had happen to me this last year I am starting to have trust issues. My Toshiba Dual Processor laptop was stolen yesterday afternoon at a Del Taco I was at in Stanton. It was there one moment next to me and I had to bring the rest of my suitcases in the place, since I have been living out of hotels since before April 1st of this year due to being evicted by my brother in law and sister from what was my mom’s huge duplex house in Garden Grove.

    The law firm that I hired to fix up my credit took out another $70 out of my checking making me a nice $100 overdrawn now and totally broke. I sit with my fifty nine cent water from Whole Foods Market and there really isn’t much else I can get with the small amount of change I have left. I have two words to describe poverty. It sucks.

    I called countless places entitled “transitional living centers” or “transitional living” and I never heard back from the ones that actually took single women and-which is a miracle. Mostly take only women with kids, which go against my civil rights as a woman and human being to have services. I needed money when my ex quit paying me alimony and if I had a kid I could have gotten $800 per child. Something is flawed with our social service system and welfare programs.

    It caters to people who have children but give no rewards for those who did things right, but might need temporary financial assistance, as in my case.

    I know I am not the only one who thinks it is flawed too. I am not a bigot but the services were created by bigots who give preferential treatment to Latinos. Why else would they ask, are you Latino? What do I get if I answer yes?

    The band just arrived back; thank heaven to soothe my shattered nerves. I have no “family” to speak of any more, with exception to my mother who is alive and well but lives with my cruel and hateful sister who screens the calls and won’t give my mother the phone.

    I hate to write about things like this, but it is my life now. I know a friend gave me the idea to create visitation rights. I wonder how much that little beauty would cost me?

    I hate lawyers because all the ones I have hired, with exception to Mark Murrell from United Credit Enhancement, have lied to me in one form or another. I took a 12 year court case and ended it in two days by simply writing my ex-husband’s new wife. They wrote the check for five thousand dollars more than his attorney was offering, and she said via email, “You are right Paulette. You do deserve five thousand more.” Then they paid what he owed me and nothing more.

    I talked to my friend Gina Garcia who works at Oz at The Bella Terra here. It had been ages since I saw or talked to her. Her phone was broken and the only way we communicated was through Facebook or in person. After telling her the whole convoluted story about The Vista Del Rio, what I was promised, which she knew about, and what I got….

    My Sun Tran bus accident….and how my sister’s evilness reached its high point when she called my favorite Uncle Lewis in Tucson, AZ and made up lies about me making him say I had 5 days to leave there, after a 13 hour bus ride. Just writing about it makes my blood boil! She has always been jealous of me and never accomplished academically what I did, didn’t work as hard as I did and instead of having a Triple Win Mentality as I do, she has more of a Triple Loss Mentality.

    God forbid her to help her little sister, or ask how I am doing? She was the other half of the reason I was “evicted” from my mother’s house without my mother knowing it. They made sure she didn’t know anything which is why they banned all the calls I tried to make to her.

    I am writing about this because though I don’t think it is particularly rewarding to write about it; it needs to be written. The truth needs to be said. The whole story why I had my immediate things I rely on to survive in a grocery cart yesterday and why I hung around a Del Taco trying to find a place to go. (It was one of the most humiliating, embarrassing things I ever went through…..)but here I am. Having my computer stolen when I turned my back and brought in my two suitcases is a SAD COMMENTARY on SOCIETY. Where are the people to open a door and help? God knows the slime of the world can seem to always find me!

    I know in time I will have a place, a kitchen, a stove and a full fridge and normal life as I once knew it will resume. I am totally sick of coming up with the money for the next day in a crappy hotel. Believe me folks, I tried all the other options. I am hoping my friend Gina can find room at her place somewhere. I can simply pay her something for staying there. She also said she would ask her family if I can put some of my things costing me my vital organs through U-haul in her garage. When the president of U-Haul said he would “give me a storage vault”, I thought that meant just that! Now with that storage vault he gave me I have a $100 bill that goes with it, with the other $200. I will look for a cheaper unit to move it all to. I bet I can find one. I guess if I hadn’t written this I wouldn’t have thought of that!

    I have a beautiful rosewood table for sale with a glossy finish like my piano. It comes with 5 chairs for $300 cash. I don’t need it anymore and use the cash a lot more and a smaller storage unit, in other words, LESS STUFF.

    It is nearly 8 p.m. now. How does an hour pass so quickly when my hands are flying to the beat of the jazz music band and Maria Schafer.

    Have You Ever Been So Close But Yet So Far Away?

    Began April 11th-12th, 2013

    Updated on Sunday, April 21st, 2013

    So Close Yet So Far Away

    Here I am in a Denny’s not too far from where I used to live. I look around me and see my Nicole Lee suitcase with an image of a French Boulangerie and it makes me happy I spent the $35 on it at Oz. I look at my Nikon camera that I am glad I invested in for $800 and wish I had the brain space open to go look for work and shoot some great shots of restaurants that I know were interested in my work.

    One of my friends on Facebook had this and I liked it and felt it was of merit, so here it is.

    One of my friends on Facebook had this and I liked it and felt it was of merit, so here it is.

    I long to live where there are no abusive people, not due to Alzheimer’s disease, dementia or just from being ignorant, rude or unthoughtful. I know that isn’t hard to do is it? I know that you are supposed to be tolerant of people who have disabilities or disorders they cannot control but it is still abusive nonetheless to live with them.

    I look at one of the books in front of me entitled “The Productive Writer by Sage Cohen” and think about how consumed I have been with survival and making sure I was not homeless by April first. Well, my sister’s husband who very unlawfully became Power of Attorney on my mother’s behalf from my now diseased father, didn’t care whether I was homeless and like my siblings, were apathetic to my situation and go against what families are supposed to stand for and represent.

    I was going to move to Arizona and had the place picked but then got word, with my personal possessions in a 17 foot U-Haul truck that my application was chosen by the John Stewart Company by Vista Del Rio Apartments in Santa Ana, CA. This was a no-brainer because as a disabled American citizen in the United States of America, this 6 year, one of a kind project is the first built by a company for disabled people. Thousands of people all over Orange County and Los Angeles County applied for it, but my letter was read and remembered, as all things I write are. The $444 rent will keep me in CA by my friends that I know, the places I love and all that I grew up around. Since I was in a nearly fatal car accident over 15 years ago now that nearly killed me with a seizure behind the wheel, I am never driving as long as I live. Not a problem but only in regards to shopping and getting things like water, paper towels and other things. At this new place, that will be ready to move into by June 1st, 2013, Good Will Industries will help me do my shopping when needed, which is a life saver for anyone who doesn’t drive. Even though I lived next door to my parents for 12 years, nobody in my family ever helped me with anything, which doesn’t amount to much for family. So stressing the positives, things will be great by the middle of June. I was just told by Carlos the manager of Vista Del Rios that my new place will be furnished with a new table and chairs, new full size bed and dresser and night stand. (I get to sell many of the pieces I have in storage since I know this!)
    This place was supposed to be finished in April-which is now. Due to being removed from my mom’s place, I have lived in substandard but cheap motels since the week before April 1st, not wanting to be anywhere near the property due to Mike Bunker’s threats of him calling the police on me etc.

    PauletteMotzkoCDCover6.16.2012

    Sometimes we don’t get what we want in life and I wonder how many people do?

    MY BELIEF SYSTEMS ARE CHANGING AND EVOLVING INTO A COMBINATION OF BELIEVING INTO A POWER GREATER THAN WHAT WE ALL CAN SEE BUT NOT NECESSARILY AS THOUGH A PERSON IS RESPONSIBLE. I had a lot of wisdom before all this happened and didn’t need any more bad experiences to make me a smarter, hardier tougher individual. I had already gained enough wisdom to write then volumes and sell them; I didn’t need any more hard knocks.

    DontBeDiscouragedItsOftenTheLastKeyintheLock1.31.2013

    Oddly enough, a big statue of the Virgin Mary with Baby Jesus, has been following me around in my Trader Joe’s bag on wheels, mainly because we couldn’t find a box big enough to pack her to put her in my storage vaults. The other reason was I felt she would give me more peace in the strange hotel rooms I knew I would be staying in than in a storage vault! I was right. (It does paint a rather odd sight for anyone who would look at me and this Hodge Podge of personal belongings, which is quite embarrassing to say the least.)
    I know the story behind my situation that sits here waiting for my good friend Mike Darras to come and pick me up. I stayed at Econo-Lodge? on Garden Grove Blvd in __ across from the Ranch Motel hotel last night, which I wouldn’t recommend because Sunny the guy who manages it, started opening the door with his key when I was without a bra or shirt with ten minutes to spare of check out time! He wouldn’t let me stay on the property and called the police to escort me off the property, but that was a blessing. The officer had the common sense, which the manager did not, to offer his help in carrying my suitcases, that I couldn’t single-handedly where Marvin the friendly cab driver drove me to the Denny’s I now sit at now. I filled up his gas tank and he very gladly helped me with my many bags with a smile on his face.

    Before I had to struggle and spend endless days at my desk sending faxes, doing research on places to live in CA and elsewhere, I used to think of what story to do a Feature Story on and what company to create photos for….nothing since October of last year.

    The money I had reserved for rent and my needs was spent on hotels to stay here in CA for a Social Security meeting which did prove fruitful. They are increasing the amount I am getting because a director in Arizona realized they were under paying me-something I knew just by the dollar amount! My next check will be bigger but what I want most of all is to earn money doing what I love and know what constancy is again, peace of mind and a little joy. I have had none of those things over the last few months. Actually I shouldn’t say that. Some of the things that have given me joy and made me happy over the last few months were:

    1. Going to the Huntington Beach pier and shooting photos of the birds flying, walking the pier which lowers my blood pressure and gives me JOY like nothing else can. I can’t explain it but then again, I guess I don’t have to.
    2. Seeing my friend Erin on the pier that day with her beautiful daughter and taking a winning photo of her that you could frame.
    3. Seeing my friends Carlos and Antonio at IHOP and talking with them
    4. Seeing more and more read the things I write and get something positive out of it. Witnessing my followers on this site growing to how 836 subscribers with about 20 countries reading it and tuning in.
    5. Knowing things will only get better than this horrid time in my life is only temporary
    6. Not being sorry I spent money on my mother and enjoying the time I had with her. She was receiving not one cent of her Social Security checks for over 5 years and I made sure she had what she needed and a bit of what she wanted as well. I did things with her, bought her nice Alfred Dunner clothes when the old ones had holes in them, made meals for her and will always remember those times. Now my evil sister won’t even put the phone up to her ear! It is hard to believe the same sister who is 11 years older than me once made doll dresses for me and gave me Barbie dolls now worth a fortune. (Any doll collectors we will talk later on!)
    7. Let’s see, back to the things that gave me joy this month-really nothing this month except for the few meals I had out at Don Chente & meeting Erick the cook who makes their great food. Also, some of the locals in Long Beach were nice to talk to on Pine Street and a guy named Poncho who was watering his roses in his CA style house I talked to one day who told me how to take the “Blue Light” off Pacific Coast Highway where the Tower Hotel was I was staying at. (Whatever you do, do not stay at the Tower Hotel though I am sure you wouldn’t just by the looks of it. It was booked site unseen via hotels.com. Use Travelocity.com instead. The hotels are better, better prices and just better all the way around. I could write an article on why not to stay at a number two rated hotel. My opinion is why have a hotel around where the manager never answers his phone and is rude? )
    8. I have been waiting for a check to arrive all week and when it does I will buy a Greyhound ticket to Tucson, Arizona and go finally see my Uncle Lewis who still represents what our family used to-good, kind, loving and stands up for what’s right like I do. He has the guest room waiting for me “with the good bed” as he jokingly says. There are a couple of places I want to write Feature Stories on that are in my phone to contact that I researched too.
    9. Easter Sunday Dinner with my friends Dalal, Joseph, and their sons Mark and John. They made it all “right” when Mike Bunker insisted I move on Easter Sunday all my things into a storage vault instead of just leaving it at mom’s place two more months when I have lived there 12 years!

    10. Taking my mile walk each day to the nearest bus stop by my Uncle Lewis’s house and soaking in the blue skies, Arizona purple mountains I remember so vividly as a child and looking at the various forms of cacti, and casa style adobe Spanish style houses and read brick they don’t build in southern CA. It is all facing, due to the earth quake ordinances.

    I discovered today on Sunday that Uncle Lewis, in spite of his screaming at me the words “Why don’t you just shut up” a thousand times, not really but try 10 ten times. I swore to God that I would never utter another word to him and never give him the chance to say anything cruel to me again. Then after juggling my finances a thousand ways, making sure my phone stays on and connected, my JETPACK portable router keeping me hooked to the net, and arranging a payment plan with Uhaul, the company has my life in storage vaults….I chose to pretend I was Mother Teresa and let him say anything he wanted to me and obey whatever rules he wanted to keep me there until the first of the month.

    He wanted me out today and then after his two friends that live on the block talked to him, and I explained I came to visit him and would have never come if I didn’t think he would be there for me.

    I was diagnosed with complex and simple partial epilepsy when I was 9 and had a pretty tragic existence. I concentrate on being around positive and uplifting people so I can start the day in a positive light. That is not what has been going on for a year.

    When I lived with mom I was spending hours at a computer monitor, making phone calls and sending faxes to infinitum to Bruce Broadwater on the CA Senate, Tony Villiagrosi who didn’t return one phone call or fax and as a human being does not impress me. HE is all out for Latino equality and if I were a Mexican lady with 10 illegitimate kids, he would have returned the call. I may not say the popular thing but it is the TRUTH.

    I get paid a check that is a little higher than the one before and it can go to rent in a nicer place where I can detox from the yelling, smoking racism and stupidity that has gone on since my arrival.

    How I long to go into “live mode” again, and just enjoy life, wake up relaxed, not like a firing squad is after you if the hotel isn’t paid for the next night. I am not retarded and can add and subtract but when you get $629 in SSI it goes as quickly as soon as the check is wired in my bank account. The next check in May will be $689 which will help pay for my phone.  Thanks to Jerome at the Social Security Administration in Tucson, Arizona in 45 minutes he realized I was being under-paid $500 a month, the equivalent of almost one social security check, each month. He put in a re-assessment and evaluation realizing that I was really given nothing and that I was living in a house with no heat, no cable, clogged plumbing but not enough money to fix any of it.

    It was a catch 22-how do I get a place when the amount I was paid each month wouldn’t cover at least $1000 rent?

    I am telling you this because: Any time you think you are being underpaid in life or that something isn’t right-go with your hunches or inner voice.

    The odds of you being right are pretty good.

    Look into it.

    Read.

    Educate yourself as I did to accomplish the task at hand. If racial discrimination is rampant in Garden Grove, CA with most the people who are presidents and managers being Vietnamese or Mexican and giving preferential treatment to those races in jobs. (NOT FAIR) I list there and want the right person to get the job with the right abilities, period!

    I didn’t work my ___ off getting a 4.0 GPA and honor roll every semester in two colleges, learn a trade and then have racism and bigotry and hatred put me out of work as in the comment “We don’t want a white teacher”. The Vietnamese said that-about 20 of them. Then the thing I did my whole life-giving me residual income of $200 per student went out the window, even with advertising. When nobody speaks English in your so-called  “neighborhood”, word of mouth, the thing that fuels any business, is dead.

    I am amazed to see Vietnamese people  here in Arizona speak English every where I go and have manners! Yes, I know that is how it is supposed to be but that is not the experience I have experienced in the 12 years of living in Garden Grove, CA.

    There are so many ideas and feeling flowing around in this post that I am not sure where it is going to end or how I will sum it all up in the end.

    I wanted.

    Some who read this will say it sounds like a journal and it is too personal, but that’s OK. This is all I can write right now and for all I know this article/blog posting might shoot through the roof and become viral. It is written from the depths of my soul and with more tears in my eyes and a sick feeling in my stomach from drinking too many cups of coffee and not enough food. (I have grocery bags of food under the table from meals I had been making in the hotel. I just cannot afford ten-dollar meals. I had two and they were good and I smile in memory of them. If it doesn’t come off a Food Stamp card it doesn’t get bought at this time. I say a prayer of gratitude for this country of ours every time I buy something with that card. We are the only country that takes care of its people like we do. I hope this coming year I make so much money I have a lump in the bank and some to give away to people who matter to me.

    I had money in reserves but when mom lived next to me, since she hadn’t received one dime of her Social Security check thanks to my dad and Mike Bunker, who was and is her power of attorney, mom and needs and wants and I filled them and gave her and I some positive, wonderful memories. When she had holes in her one pair of pants I bought her new Alfred Dunner ones and blouses to match them so she could have dignity. She matters to me and I wanted to know simply that she was worth caring about. My dad was the star of the show with ambulances coming every day to take him somewhere while I was talking to social workers to please put him in a rest home because my mother did not have the mental or physical ability to take care of him any longer. (No one person could have taken care of him because he was nearly paralyzed and for the lack of mobility in his legs; he was paralysed though never dubbed that. The VA Hospital did a lousy job on his welfare and basically watched him die, doing nothing to get him in programs that could have elongated his life. They know I am not pleased with that and am currently suing them for damages of the triple loss of my father, and how the whole situation traumatized my mother each day when I had to be the one that explained to her where dad was doing and what was happening. (MY mother’s short-term memory loss was so great she would ask me 10 to 20 times each day where I was going until finally I left and would be lying if I didn’t say it was a relief to be away.

    Dementia and Alzheimer’s disease requires the patience of  saint to deal with and each day you ask yourself for the strength and reserves to be able to choose the right path which is never the easy path.

    I have seen polar extremes of a more opulent life style when I was married to my rocket scientist ex and I was a master piano teacher not living in a very bigoted neighborhood called Little Saigon, surrounded by racists who didn’t want the white teacher I am.

    I have known joy and seen now where I am waiting for better times to come but wanting to create them in act word and deed. I am not looking up at God above but using the skills and abilities I was given by God every day to problem solve and hopefully live a life worth living very soon.

    Every day is worth living and I-even now of course, but I long to just be seen the fruits of my labors-my place I wrote countless letters to obtain, to hear my mother’s voice who lives with my sister in Moreno Valley who doesn’t realize she is hurting mom-or maybe she does know that subconsciously but simply doesn’t care!. Why was I the only kid who obtained a college degree in spite of my limitations or disabilities? Why am I mom’s youngest daughter who accomplished everything I ever set out to do? Why are all my friends’ awesome human beings who care about the world around them, children, the environment and maximizing positivity and minimizing the negatives? The answer to that question is: I select my friends carefully because who you are around you will eventually become. My mother said that to me when I was only a child and I remember it to this day. She was right as she was with dozens of things she told me that have held to this day.

    Driving Life’s Highway by Brother Carl Frye

    Interstate-Highway-System-picture

    Driving Life’s High  Way by Brother Carl Frye

    Copyright March 2013

     

    Here is a wonderful post written by my dear friend Brother Carl Frye in Coushatta, LA. I read it on Facebook and immediately thought how wonderful it would be to share it with all my nearly 900 readers on this site.

    Brother Carl Frye is a pretty extraordinary guy. We went to high school together many years ago at Garden Grove High and after I married we lost touch with one another. He located me on Facebook because I kept my full name on it, and we have been in touch ever since. I am working on editing his book manuscript, and will let you know when it is finished.

    *******************************************************************************************************************

    As we journey down life’s highway we travel among much traffic.we have objects that are bigger than us that need room to pass so we stay in the slow lane.As we travel along the way we see the line that divides the road,and one each side white lines which divide the median from the road and the shoulder of the road,and straight ahead traffic ahead of us.If the traffic ahead of us slows down we must slow down,We must keep up with the traffic ahead of us so the ones behind us will travel safely also.When we walk with God we travel with him.We see the line he puts in our road dividing it so we won’t go astray.He puts lines on the side of us to keep us from going off the side of the road,or the median,and we travel always looking straight ahead because we are all going the same direction,the same place,and stopping at the same destination.God’s House.As we travel always obey the signs that God put there to see,obey all his laws,give the right of way to more mature Christians,and always travel the same speed together until God has told you to turn off at an exit that leads you to your ministry,your calling,or your destination of his choice.God’s highway is sometimes very busy,and there is much traffic on it,but if people will work together,and allow others the right of way then we can all reach our destinations together.

    Drive carefully.!

    Have a blessed day.!

    Here is a photo entitled “Instagram From Darkseason” by Views of Norway.
    We are like ships on the sea that change the direction of the sail by whatever happens to us.
    Paulette Le Pore Motzko
    Totally Inspired Mind