After my divorce in 2001 to the Polish rocket scientist, I have been secure in my singledom. I dated a Cuban guy for six years named Raul, but he wanted to own everything he kissed!
I prefer secure men who aren’t jealous and don’t try to dominate or “own” me.
If I can’t be with an intelligent gentleman and those two words really mean something to me, I choose to go out with nobody. It is my choice.
I am outgoing, mind you, with countless sales jobs and marketing jobs under my belt, and I could go to a high class club or casino and order Perier or Martinelli’s or decaf cappucinno & strike up conversation with the locals….maybe get a date…
But I don’t feel obligated to.
I am going to take myself to dinner and after I may see a friend or two.
The point ladies and gentleman is don’t succumb to peer pressure. It is OK to sit with a fantastic book you just discovered at Barnes & Noble or write the next chapter in your memoir, or to write the first chapter.
Paulette Motzko in her new sanctuary, studio apartment, in Las Vegas, NV.
Photo taken by Leonardo Valencia
Photo Editing by Paulette L Motzko
Copyright December 31st, 2014
I will be the only person to post I am happy to see 2014 go. It was one of my worst in my life, and breaking my wrist in February, left me with a left hand I will consult with reconstructive surgery…and my hands were everything to me.
I struggled with a place to live in California after being thrown out on the street of the duplex I had lived in and paid rent on 15 years by the power of attorney & brother-in-law & so called apathetic siblings. The great side is I can use my hands and all the things like playing piano I can still do, and I am back up to 80 w.p.m. and I didn’t need surgery to do that. (I asked you all to pray for a miraculous recovery, remember?)
I need full use of my left ring and index fingers now…they do not bend, ever since Feb 2014 when I fell from the worst complex partial seizure I ever had, due to the stress of living in and out of crappy hotels, places where I endured 168 bed bug bites etc. (I have photos documenting everything for a good personal injury lawyer somewhere in Vegas.) I was seizure free on Tegretol & Vimpat and had I lived in a normal living environment, it never would have happened. I am just human though and epilepsy is a condition that is exacerbated by stress, and I had my share of it in 2014. So much so, I was diagnosed with second stage hypertension after my ssi was lowered.
I take a lickin and keep on tickin and after over 70 apartments turning me down, saying I needed double my income, this place didn’t, and it is the best for me.
Since signing the lease here on December 11th, my health improved, my blood pressure is normal again and I know I will soon be able to thrive like a flower potted in the right soil.
I was nearly killed on the 18th of November of this year and when I ate my Thanksgiving dinner I was grateful to be alive. I wish I didn’t have the police report as a souvinir though!
I have a great place now and I made my story have a good ending. I have no family worth mentioning, as they are dead above the neck and have no heart, no soul or conscious.
My family is like a bad poker hand. I would throw out three cards and pick up three more.
I want, above all else, peace of mind and health.
I needed to get settled in my own place and then I would be free to get what’s rightly mine, and it wasn’t a kick in the keister for all paying my parent’s house payment 15 years (as the good daughter who gave and didn’t steal, as the others did.)
I want to make things right and get what I should have gotten if the actual worst had instead been the best.
I am my mother’s voice and I want to see she gets what she deserves and criminal charges are placed on my brother in law for putting me through literal hell.
I am a strong and positive and courageous lady, but I have read one too many posts on what a great year it was.
The best thing about 2014 is it is soon ending!
I know I am not the only person who has had tragic and horrible things happen to them.
I hope by printing what I went through, it will give hope and courage to others out there too.
What did I learn from everything?
1. Take care of yourself first and don’t give a —what anyone thinks about decisions that will benefit you.
2. Don’t assume people will care about you in the way you did them, they might not care at all. Count on yourself and that is all.
3. Do what you know is right, good, just and stand by your morals and upbringing. When everyone else was stealing or destroying everything in my mom’s house-who mind you was alive but with Alzheimer’s disease, I took a photo of her that survived a fire and a crucifix that belonged to my Nanny, who helped raise me.
4. Sometimes horrid things happen to good people. Don’t sit and overthink and wonder why God would allow this to happen. Worry about you, problem solve it and figure out what you can do to help yourself as though that’s all there is.
Always have the courage to change the things you are able to and the wisdom to know the difference, and never ever repeat a mistake.
I am a giver not a theif.
I help and inspire and don’t set out to hurt or destroy.
Honesty is in my DNA.
Sometimes Life or God gives you crap that your only choice is to make mud pies with it.
Before the eviction, which was illegal, btw, I was a different person, happier, healthier and now after being ravaged am still a good person but there is a bittersweet side to me which in time will dwindle.
You just go on. The events will never remove themselves and I am less trusting than I used to be, but through all the many places I stayed in CA, and got no help whatsoever, because I didn’t give birth to a child. Had I, there would have been free hotel stays to be given and compassion by the droves.
My civil rights were violated and I was treated as though I didn’t exist because I had no child?
Somebody has to come forward and let the state of CA how poorly they treat disabled people there.
We need to change the power of attorney laws so people like Mike Bunker, power of attorney of my mother Ramona Le Pore, are fined and removed when allegations of stopping me from seeing or talking to her persist and also talking to her like she was not there.
Especially after my personal possessions I have lived without for over a year are back in my possession.
If I don’t love someone, respect someone and value someone, they are simply not in my life.
Since I am not a people pleaser or hypocrite, that is a good philosophy to abide by in 2015 and beyond.
Sometimes you will have to stand your guard and protect what you know is right, and you will be standing alone.
Coming to Nevada I came as The Lone Ranger and knew I would make friends and find my way. I was right.
I have lost 100’s of fly-by-night friends and met two who literally saved my life and another who when they cut my ssi several hundred dollars here helped me live and function. Without him, I don’t know what I would have done.
I am working with key politicians here to double the amount people get on ssi and ssdi.
Be happy when the holidays are over so I can get a meeting with the Congressional Representative to Senator Joe Heck’s office. I have been communicating with Senator Harry Reid and Gov. Brian Sandoval’s offices too.
People care more in Nevada by far and al races, colors and creeds get jobs in Nevada, not primarily Vietnamese and Mexicans as was made a reality by requiring you to speak either Spanish or Vietnamese -to get a good paying job with benefits.
In Nevada you get points for speaking English because international business men and women come here.
Few truly care about others and most don’t make eye contact in southern CA. Nobody wants to help another on with a stroller who has kids, but I have been offered help by more nice guys with the handcart I carry & grocery bags in the 6 months since moving here than in 20 in CA.
Oftentimes in CA if you actually take the time to make eye contact in with someone and talk to them, they will assume you’re only talking on your bluetooth or cell phone! I remember before I left the state, I noticed everyone at Starbucks was in their own little worlds like cyborgs and people who lost all ability to hold a conversation. Everyone went around like horses with blinders on, bumping into eachother because they were walking while texting!
Few do that in Vegas and the huge libraries here are well staffed and open Saturdays and Sundays. I have a beautiful huge one walking distance from me.
I am sorry if this is a more somber post but not really; there is an optimistic undercurrent which will always be “me”, Paulette Le Pore Motzko.
To all the people all over the world who read Totally Inspired Mind, I will say Thank YOU for keeping my spirit alive and having me delve into the depths of my soul where the stories are created from.
Thank you for your support, your prayers and comments.
You, the people who read all my web sites are the BEST things, MOST EXTRAORDINARY things-though I know you’re not a thing.
All of my many readers are like sparkling jewels I wear on a necklace close to my heart.
I think that about says it all, no matter what our situation and what race, color or creed-it is wise words for us all.
Paulette Le Pore Motzko
Your existence has helped me through the most turbulent, most tragic times of my life.
I feel as though I emerged out of a ring of fire and am stronger but sadder and. I just want all this behind me.
….far behind me.
I will be glad when my scars aren’t so fresh and a wonderful man comes into my life to remind me how great life is to live together.
Here is another great wallpaper hand-selected with all the love in the world from me to the people all over the world who have been tuning in.
Cheers! To saying goodbye to the bad and hello to new, bright, bold beginnings in 2015!
Paulette L Motzko
January 31 2014