A Quarter Short by Paulette Le Pore Motzko


A Quarter Short

By Paulette Le Pore Motzko

Copyright October 10th, 2013

10:00 p.m.

This month my SSI check did not come. It is now over a week after the usual time of having it wired in my bank account on the eve of the first of the month. I am not on SSI because I want to but because I need to be. So many people say horrible things about people who are collecting various forms of social security. There are three forms: Social Security that you pay into all your life that is taken out on weekly checks and you are given when you retire from your job. Then there is SSDI for people deemed disabled by the state and cannot work because they are so severely disabled they cannot work. I was teaching piano until the Vietnamese in Little Saigon didn’t want a white teacher. I didn’t want a bigot for a neighbor either, but there were more of them


This is where I find solace and peace and find clarity of intention. The sea is my church with the blue sky and clouds and ocean breeze blowing my troubles away. I know things will be alright but I will be glad when they are. It isn’t for lack of me trying!

than me. If they earn any money or are given any money they can be thrown out of the program. Then there are people like myself, who collect SSI, or Supplementary Social Security Income.

I am allowed to make about a thousand dollars each month over the $886 I am given. Prior to that time, if I didn’t make that amount I was selling things in my house. I did that to get my medicine, which for complex partial epilepsy is $250 a month for Tegretol and $20 a pill for the Vimpat, making it $1200 a month. So, just for my medicine comes to $1450. Would I got on something cheaper? Prior to the UCB releasing Vimpat for use in the United States I was intractable, meaning I had upwards of 50 seizures a day. I used to be in a scooter when I was married that I designed with a 20 mile radius and now I take the bus and can walk up to two miles a day!

I have a different mind, a different soul and the world is my pearl. (I don’t like oysters!) My ex-husband loved them though!

I feel like a beach ball that has been whacked around from place to place, from person to person since the unlawful and apathetic eviction from a my mother’s house (I paid rent into for 13 years-which nearly paid their mortgage on their house, which is why I did it. Not because I had to.) I finalized a 15 year marriage to a rocket scientist ex and could have moved anywhere in the United States, but I chose to live with them.. Dad is dead now a year and mom has Alzheimer’s disease. I pray she always recognizes me and knows my name. My sister is playing games with me seeing her and sometimes what we think should happen in life does not and the opposite happens instead.

What do I want in life?

I am a simple lady and when I pray it is always this order of importance to the Man Upstairs-God or The Omnipotent Presence for a Universal term for God.

Dear God,

Give me health, wealth, security, peace of mind and then love it is meant to be. More specifically give me a home I can afford and let me have what few things I own and chose to take with me when I was thrown out of a place I should have been given. I am hassling with attorneys trying to get justice on what I am owed by California State Laws concerning the vested interest I had in the property. I will never make it right, but I can at least know I didn’t do what my siblings did in regards to my mother’s welfare. I didn’t buy her cartons of cigarettes knowing she was diagnosed with COPD! I did make meals for her; give her wonderful memories and me as well that I will cherish my entire life. I did weed out all the clothes she had with holes in them and replaced them with beautiful Alfred Dunner ones to let her walk with her “head held high” as she used to tell me to do when I was a child. I did throw out her old shows and buy her new ones, and tried to get her whatever she needed during the 13 years I lived in Garden Grove.

Due to there being no housing vouchers with HUD housing for ten years, I am forced now to leave the state and go where I can afford it-probably Las Vegas, Nevada.

I long to see my upright grand piano again and earn the $50 an hour I did for 20 years all the time I was married again. Ten kids and I am doing alright, then I am not scraping like a chicken scrapes for grain anymore!

I went to school for a reason and was on the Honor Roll with a high GPA in high school and college. I want to see the paycheck that warrants. When you live in a place that prevents you from working because you don’t speak Vietnamese or Spanish, it goes against my right as an English speaking American citizen. That implies that America is a Vietnamese speaking world or Spanish Speaking world, doesn’t it? How about forcing people over 18 years of age to learn English fostering communication for all people? That would be the best way to do it and get interpreters for those who need it.

Where does the title for this 736 word diary entrée come in?

I called Denny’s from Walgreens to see how much a cup of decaf was and the manager said $2.25. I then took a bus to Tiffy’s where I know the manager there who is an awesome man, and heard the same price of which I was “a quarter short.” I didn’t want charity and walked out. I was going to go to The Paradise Point resort hotel where I love taking my computer and writing and they like me there and I get along with everybody because they cater to a very rich demographic and the people are always mannerly. Often when people see me at my computer they ask my favorite question: “What are you doing?” When I tell them, they often want to keep in touch or hire me to do one of the many writing, photographic or marketing things I do. I could do a heck of a lot better when I am in a better frame of mind. Last time I went there I asked the concierge where I could go to get a cappuccino or tea and does some computer work, and she suggested the lounge in the Grand Californian.

That brings me back to this evening on Thursday, October 10th, 2013.

I walked into Coco’s Restaurant & Bakery and the first person who smiled back at me was Joseph Revera who was the 3rd person I asked my coffee question to. He said I had enough and my $1.75 would cover my cup of Joe. So, I sat down and noticed I was a quarter short and he said don’t worry about it. I thought about it and then asked him, “why are you so nice”, which was a more redundant question that anything else. He saw tears coming down my face probably from begging with T-Mobile keeping my phone running, worrying that my web sites will be destroyed because Ming didn’t get their money on time, and just feeling ravaged in general.

I would rather have a few tears drizzle down my face like rain and get it out of my system then go to counseling for the next 20 years whining. I am strong. I will go on. I am a resilient person. I helped countless people as the CEO  & Founder of The Epilepsy Connection, was the first person with epilepsy who acted as Director of The Epilepsy Foundation before that. I graduated from Chapman University’s Master’s Certification program back in 1997 and held the Summit meeting that year. I am proud of those things.

I just want to simply move on in my life and have what it takes to do so.

I am going to contact the Urban Housing Authority one more time and some congress person I haven’t thought of about getting me a housing voucher. According to what I read about it, they are awarded to disabled people and to certain low income people. I already contacted Mayor Villages and he only cares about bringing more Mexicans in over the border and really doesn’t give a damn about white people like me. Nobody wants to talk about these things, but they go on.

I would rather earn my own money and not need SSI. I would like to make a salary so huge that I am never a quarter short again. I hope I find a place I can call home and never have to rely on a roommate or a man who treats you terribly, as I have seen.

What I do know is I will go through the ring of fire I am currently going through. I will have total control of my surroundings, as I wish I would have had long ago. IN southern California they expect you to make 3 times the rent. The rent price for a one bedroom apartment is a whopping ridiculous $1200 to $1600 and that isn’t even a nice one! You can pay double that in Newport Beach or Costa Mesa which are much nicer cities.

Joseph came by me and gave me some pumpernickel bread and sourdough with butter. It amazes me how I consistently run into some of the nicest people who are total strangers and my family has dust for a heart, soul and conscious. I guess they are the ones that will regret that one day when they have no idea what state I live in. Nobody needs abuse of any kind.

I met a lady on the bus on the way here who I hope gets help. She nudged me from behind and I guess she nudged the right person because I care and am not, nor will ever be apathetic. I was once the lady in the wheel chair and was once the lady in the motorized scooter. I went through hell and lived to talk about it. She was 65 but was homeless due to a system that didn’t make sure she had somewhere to call home. Her children didn’t care about her and I told her she should be getting social security and medical and Medicare and gave her the name of my attorney. I told her not to back down and to go to a church that helped me once. I sure hope she goes. I hope I was her answered prayer today. She was mine because she reminded me why I want to lobby in congress to see that the budget takes care of the American people first and the disabled people and veterans are on the top of that list. What is left after that, so be it. At least our country is acting on the best behalf of its natural citizens.

After about 20 hours on the phone and successive trips to my bank with them verifying the Social Security wired my check to an account that had been closed months ago, so they would have permission to issue me one I could use…..I go tomorrow and I was told they would cut me a check. Why didn’t one of the people I spoke save me headaches and time and tell me that long ago? Not everybody thinks like I do. Show the person the fastest, most efficient way of doing something.

How awesome is that? I just checked the stats on my site called “Totally Inspired Mind-Where Positive Minds Congregate” at http://www.TotallyInspiredPC.wordpress.com. I had 100 more views today than the highest in history of the one year of the site-275 views today. That makes my day and lets me know that even amidst the hell I am going through I am doing something right.

God bless all who have read the last word of this sentence out of the 1,859 words.

Paulette Le Pore Motzko

October 10, 2013

Ten minutes to 11:00 p.m.

5 thoughts on “A Quarter Short by Paulette Le Pore Motzko

  1. Somebody let off quite a bit of steam…that’s great 🙂

    I really liked the tear-shedding instead of 20 years of therapy!

    Of course you’re a much more expert blogger than I am, but I can relate perfectly to the “spike-rush” you comment on your views. Due to some unexpected events, my visits per day went from 50-70 to 150 during 3 days…still trying to figure out why!

    Have an AWESOME day and keep pushing for your wellbeing 🙂

    • Thanks so much for your positive feedback on what I wrote. I hesitated to print it. I wondered if it was better left as a personal diary entry. However, upon closer inspection, I thought others might be able to relate to some of the things I said and also thought it might begin discussions on how we can make the work force a place where people are hired on the basis of their abilities instead of the color of their skin or their ethnicity.
      Also, I will show it to the director of the Social Security office tomorrow when I go to get the SSI check that is a week and a half late. I doubt I would be given any trouble but an apology for the hell I went through.
      I am a “say it like it is” kind of person and I believe things happen for the betterment of all when you speak out about things that matter.

      I might forward this to the Urban Housing Authority of CA and a few CA senators before I bail CA entirely. I might get my HUD housing voucher enabling me to pay only $270 a month instead of paying nearly every cent towards rent.

      God bless you for reading, for caring and being a compassionate human being.
      What id your name again? I think you told me once, but I forgot.

      Paulette Motzko

    • Yes, simplicity is my goal. I would rather live in something way beneath my means, knowing I can afford it, and it is all mine…than live with some shmuck, worry about what he or she is stealing from me, have no privacy and not have peace.
      I want my own sanctuary where I can write and finish my books. I want peace and quiet, no cigarette smoke odor coming from anywhere…mom smoked and it always choked me.
      Even if it is a small place, I will make it my oasis.

      Paulette Le Pore Motzko